Joe the Plumber asked Barack if his tax plan was going to tax him more. Barack said, “Sure, but don’t worry about it. I’ll take your money and give it to poor people, and it’ll magically work out, like subprime lending. You know, affordable housing!” Then he smiled dazzingly, and the reporters all swooned and threw tomatoes at Joe.
Barack Obama Lights the World Up With His Smile. Amazingly, he can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile.
I’m pretty sure that’s how it happened.
Remember when I warned you that Karla Escobar top hits on Google were seeding malware and spyware and trojans and whatnot? I was right, and ZDNet confirms it. Told ya you should always listen to me.
Watch out for those Trojans! If it's a popular search term, cybercriminals are trying to use it to sucker you into installing malicious trojans, malware, spyware and adware onto your computer.
In other news, a 5th grader died in a recess accident. Damn, that just sucks. That’s all there is to it. He was just playing football! Sheesh. We should keep his family in our prayers. God made it all, and He rocks and all . . . but, man, this just makes me sad.
Nancy Reagan got hospitalized after a fall. When you’re 87, that kind of stuff can be very hard on you. Well, she’s in my prayers, too. I don’t know how much good it will do–I’ve prayed pretty hard for that solid gold rocket car, and so far no dice–but I’ll give it my best.
Nancy Reagan And Ronaldus Magnus, the Greatest President Ever. Except Washington.
If you’ve never read the Reagan Diaries, check ’em out. The things that shine through are Reagan’s sharp mind, his strong will, and his deep love for one Nancy Davis Reagan.
Tony Curtis–old, bald, and curmudgeonly–complained that his life of being rich and famous, but not as rich and famous as others, has been horribly unfair.
Oh, all right. He was pretty good looking during the day. But, come on. Marlon Brando? Paul Newman?
Compare Tony to Brando and Newman:
Alpha-male Paul Newman exuded all kinds of bad-assedness. Not offense, Mr. Curtis, but come on.
Yes, he got fat and weird. But back in the day, who was more Alpha-Masculine than The Brando?
Who would Rachelle Leah have been more attracted to? Tony Curtis or Paul Newman and Marlon Brando?
I think you know the answer.
Rachelle Leah has Paul Newman or Marlon Brando on her mind.
BTW, Rachelle Leah will be appearing on the cover of Playboy soon. And presumably inside the magazine as well. As if you didn’t know. Cuz that is why you are searching her out, isn’t it, naughty, naughty Internetz.
Don’t be jealous, Tony Curtis. Rachelle Leah still likes you as a friend.
You know who else Rachelle Leah would like? Steve McQueen.
Rachelle Leah Wants Steve McQueen. Wants him bad. Tony Curtis? Not so much.
Headaches you get from standing in the vestibule? Apparently not. Vestibular Migraines are is a nuerological events characterized by altered bodily experiences, painful headaches, and nausea and, in the case of vestibular migraines, dizziness and loss of balance.
Hold up, hold up, I ain’t done. You might try instant cold compresses. They are portable, handy dandy, and for some people really help relieve migraine pain.
You know who else suffered from migraines? Founding father and brilliant thinker and writer, Thomas Jefferson.
Thomas Jefferson suffered from migraines, too. Wasn’t much he could do put draw the shades and lay down for a few days. Sucks. Imagine what he could have gotten done if he could have just taken a Migrazone and cleared that shiznit right up?
Did you know that Thomas Jefferson has a Podcast? It’s true. The man’s still keeping busy, 182 years after he died. That’s what you call a true patriot.
Absolute top search result on TheGoogle as of the time I am posting this is a spyware/malware hijacking type site.
Link Title is “Montpelier KARLA ESCOBAR”.
Link says “business.vermonttoday.com/search.pg?q=KARLA + ESCOBAR%3C/title%3E%3Cscript%3 Edocument.locati…” but it redirects and attempts to hijack your computer. Shows a fake “Virus Checking” screen and tries to bully you into downloading some kind of trojan horse. Apparently, no easy place to complain about such things to The Google, so I’m warning you.
Karla Escobar. Don't press the little play button. It does nothing. Nothing!
A few others do similar things. Don’t add any software. Don’t click Okay. Don’t let websites run “the following add-ons”. Don’t let any of them install new active-x controls, etc. Just run! Run fast as you can! Force quit as necessary.
NOT SAFE FOR WORK! Immediately pornographic. You have been warned.
Update 1: A site with, purportedly, the Karla Escobar porno video. Definitely Pornographic. Definitely Not Safe For Work. X-Rated. You have been warned. Karla Escobar video site here.
Which demands that I cover this ongoing journalist sin-of-omission in graphic detail.
The Gorgeous Laura Prepon Remains Beautifully Gorgeous with a Side Order of Curly Fries.
You may recall, Laura Prepon was the insanely hot redhead on That 70s Show that, in the last few seasons, went blonde. Which was a disappointment, but she was still very hot.
Laura Prepon: Blonde, But Still Very Hot.
Laura Prepon, Back When She was a Redhead. Ya see? Am I right or what? Hamanananana.
More Laura. Mmmm. Tasty.Even More Laura. Why stop if you don't have to?
And why not?
What could I possibly add?
More Laura Prepon in the not-too-distant future. Because you didn’t demand it, but you should have.
BTW, you know why That 80s Show flopped big time? No Laura Prepon. It’s a established fact.
There’s more to life than having been cute back during the 80s. There’s also not being totally batshiznit crazy as you get old, skeletally then, and overly Botoxed.
Here’s the man with the smart escape plan:
Guy Ritchie wonders: Why Did I marry this Gap-Toothed Psycho?
In other, yet somehow related, news, Chrissy Mazzeo is suing Jim Gibbons (evil Republican) for allegedly (which, when it comes to politicians, means “almost certainly”) for assaulting her with lascivious intent. Some days, I think most politicians just get into politics because “power is the ultimate aphrodisiac”. Too bad they don’t have the sense to know when it ain’t.
Chrissy Mazzeo is suing Jim Gibbon's cuz she wants money, it's almost election time so she'll get partisan help, and she's cute while Jim Gibbon's definitely ain't.
You’re also searching for Funky Winkerbean. Seriously? Funky Winkerbean. Weak, Internets. Weak.
Funky Winkerbean. Making Comics Tedious and Depressing since 1972. That's exactly where I want realism and death and alcoholism in the paper. The comics.
In more extremely lame news, you guys are all interested in The Daily Beast again. Seriously, do none of you remember that Tina Brown travesty, Talk Magazine? She’s trying to build this thing up via Ultra-Pimping it, and you suckers are falling for it. We already have The Huffington Compost, what do we need this for?
Tina Brown is out pimping the Daily Beast. Go there, people, and maybe she’ll leave us alone.
Tina Brown is clearly out and about pimping The Daily Beast. She snagged former-conservative turncoat, Christopher Buckley, to gin up controversy to make people interested in her latest tedious also-ran of a supposedly journalistic venture. You guys remember Talk Magazine, right? No? Well, there ya go.
Maybe it has something to do with Christopher Buckley’s departure from conservative stalwart National Review, after having endorsed Obama. In an article he wrote for The Daily Beast, he tries to make everybody feel bad by appealing to memories of his father, William F. Buckley. Kind of icky, if you ask me.
Volunteer is Waterboarded. Next, he can sue the government for torture AND the local utility for producing water. John Edwards has already expressed interest in taking the case, and channeling the waterboarding victim's ghost, even though he's still alive and in perfect health.
The tragedy. It would have been much better if we just gave terrorists a cup of tea and sent them on their merry way to blow something up. No doubt, that’s what the Obamarama Administration will do, so we’ll see the results of that philosophy very soon.
The World Trade Center. Better than waterboarding a terrorist, ain't it?
You’re also searching for 53. Seriously, the top search this morning is a number? Is it because Obama is up 53% in some polls? That’s a weird way to search for it, but whatever.
David Alan Grier. He's a funny dude.
David Alan Grier is starring in a new sketch comedy show, The Chocolate News, which is sorta like SNL’s Weekend Update, but with an African-American point of view. David Alan Grier was also in David Zucker’s recent love-letter to American troops throughout history, An American Carol.
It's National Grouch Day. Oscar says: "It's just another rotten day." Also, it turns out Oscar loves trash and pollution, so he's voting Republican in November. "Those are some politicians a grouch can relate to," he was quoted as saying.
All right. She's cute. I'll give you that. But day after day, you people are searching for the Danity Kane and Aubrey O'Day. You'll never be satisfied. It's an addiction. And the first step is for you to admit it.
I dunno. My definition of "naked" is usually a little more naked than that. But maybe my standards are too high.
One more of Aubrey O’Day.
Aubrey O'Day. She's a cutie. I don't know if she's really, as they say, dumb as a box of rocks. Don't care, neither.
In later news, I can tell it is late. Lots of searches for Mistress Delilah, so much so that her website is not loading right now. Try Delilah’s Dirty Debutantes instead. Not really my thing, frankly, and it’s late. You Internetz should all be getting to bed.
You’re also searching for Bridget the Midget. I’m going to assume the best, and think you aren’t searching for Bridget the Midget the real-life midget porn star, but are instead looking for Ray Steven’s 1971 classic, “Bridget the Midget”:
Apparently, some whiners are. But seriously, Garry Trudeau (it’s not “Gary”, Internetz, its got two Rs) has always been a huge liberal. It’s a comic strip. Live with it. Here’s the latest one dissin’ Palin. He also recently did an interview with Mother Jones magazine. I mean, come on. I hear the editorial board of Mother Jones just barely voted down changing the name to “Die, America, Die” last year. True story.
Doonesbury's Garry Trudeau Comments on Bloggers. For shame, Garry. For shame.
You expect Daily Kos to say bad stuff about conservatives and Republicans no matter what, right? Garry Trudeau has always been a big lib, and the strip about Palin’s family completely misses what conservatives and even “family values” are about and . . . he’s never gotten it. He’s about 80* years old now, he’s never going to get it.
*He’s actually 60. But, come on, the guy’s a fossil.
In more interesting news, I see you folks have been looking for Tiffany Michelle. She just won a game of strip poker. She’s pretty cute, too.
She's cute enough. I don't play poker, and don't like to gamble, so my interest in her pretty much starts and ends there.
Speaking of sexy poker babes, this is Tina Wallman:
Tina Wallman apparently plays poker. Which has something to do with why she's naked in the desert.
Thanks to the BabesInPoker.com website for introducing you and me to her. If you go there, I have a great gambling tip for ya: don’t. The house always wins in the end. You know what that means? It means that you always lose in the end. Subliminal message of sites like this? Waste lots of money gambling, and you’ll impress hot chicks. It doesn’t happen. I promise you.
Video below (of Tina Wallman) is kinda like soft-core poker porn. Might not qualify as soft-core, these days, with the stuff that’s on the TV. Just wanted to make sure you were warned.
Whassup, Peoples? 