You People Are Searching For Naughty Alicia and a Transgender Mayor

When what you mean is “Naught Alysha”. Here’s a highly pornographic link from NaughtyAlysha.com. Not Even Remotely Safe for Work or Home or Anywhere Else Anyone Might See It.

One of the Few Pictures of Alysha That Isn

Naughty Alysha’s WikiPorno page. Why are you suddenly so interested in her? I’m betting she was on Howard Stern. Just a hunch.

In other news, Barack Obama wasn’t the only candidate that made election history yesterday. Stu Rasmussen won the mayoral election in Silverton, Oregon, becoming the nation’s first openly transgender mayor. Has there ever been a secretly-hidden-in-the-closet transgender mayor?

Kristina and Karissa Shannon in towels, like Sarah Palin.

You’re also on about Karissa and Kristina Shannon again. They’ve got some new pics on their MySpace Page. Apparently, that’s what you’re all on about.

Laterz, Internetz.

Walker, Texas Ranger, To Kick Butt At Furman

He’s here to kick ass and chew gum. And he’s all out of gum.

Chuck Norris as Walker, Texas Ranger

Chuck is going to speak at Furman University.

Here are some facts you should know about Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. 

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

More at ChuckNorrisFacts.com. 

You’re still searching on Hugh Hefner’s latest cradle robbing, Karissa and Kristina Shannon.

 

The Shannon Twins, Supposedly. I don't think it looks like them. They look a lot older. But, cute twins, nonetheless.

Also, you folks are exhibiting an unusual interest in Independent Development Accounts, or IDAs. More on IDAs here.

Basically, it’s free money for poor people to help them buy stuff. The sort of thing that helped lead to our current financial crisis. Fortunately, the website I went to said they weren’t currently taking applications for that IDA. “Program Is Full”. 

Wonder why.

Nailin’ Paylin, The Sarah Palin Themed Porno, Goes Forward

And, apparently there’s a script. Who knew these things had scripts? And, um, why, exactly, do they have scripts?

“Do I support the porn industry in our country, and our hard working porno worker? You betcha!”

Never mind that. Thanks to commentor Condi-Hill for the update.

Hugh Hefner remains popular, as you folks search for his former wife (the one that broke poor Hef’s heart!), Kimberly Conrad.

Kimberly Conrad. The Former Mrs. Hugh Hefner. Wonder Why It Didn't Work Out.

You’re also searching for another Hugh Hefner conquest, Holly Madison. What’s up with you people? Look, you aren’t Hugh Hefner. You will never be Hugh Hefner. Ever. You’re life will never be anything like Hugh Hefner’s. Not even close. Give it up. Now.

Hugh and Holly Madison. Like Dolly Madison, Only I Don’t Think Holly Madison Is Interested in Politics.

In other news, Peter Cook, who was married to Christie Brinkley, will make his case on 20/20 to why it was such a good idea to have an affair with his 18 year old office worker Diana Bianchi while married to Christie Brinkley. Should be a hoot!

Poor Peter Cook was Forced to be Married to Super-Model Christie Brinkley. How Could He Stand It? What Terrible Injustice He Suffered!

Finally, as is appropriate in this economic climate, the government has started printing zero dollar bills. Ones, Fives, Twenties and Fifties can be exchanged for the new denomination at no cost.

It's the Zero Dollar Bill. Finally, Currency that Reflects the Markets.

Nancy Benoit Loses Suit Over Nekkedness. Plus Tina Brown, Gena O’Kelley, and Lori Delgado. And the National Debt.

Nancy Benoit. She’s Cute Enough, I Guess.Nancy Benoit took some boudoir pictures, but wanted to keep ’em away from prying eyes like yours.In other news, apparently thirteen year old twins aren’t enough for Hugh Hefner. He also has a purient interest in Amy Lee Andrews.Apparently, Twins are Not Enough for Hugh Hefner, and he’s also adding Amy Lee Andrews to his personal stable.

You’re also unusually interested in Chuck Norris’s wife this afternoon. She has a name, people. That would be Gena O’Kelley. She’s cute enough, but I’m not sure why you’re searching her out this fine day.

Chuck Norris Doesn’t Have a Wife. He has a Queen, his co-regent in the Kingdom of Chuck.

You’re also back on about the Bianco Golden thing again. America’s Top Model? Seriously? Yawn.

The same with Lori Delgado. Double Yawn.

Lori Delgado Quits. Lawsuit. Boring. Next.

You folks are also interested in the national debt clock. Look, just don’t go there. It’s depressing. Gallup has Obama getting a bounce from the last presidential debate. No surprise, since McCain game off as a grumpy, bitter old senator.

Some folks out there are saying that Prudential (Stock Ticker: PRU) is a buy. Um, an insurance company? In the current market? Is a buy? Look, it’s your money, but I suggest you either invest it in baseball cards or just put it in your mattress.

Lots of you are searching, again, for The Daily Beast. They must really be promoting themselves, getting you suckers to keep looking them up on The Google, in hopes of becoming the next Huffing-and-Puffington Post. Good luck to them on that. I already think the layout of the site kinda sucks.

The Daily Beast is the brainchild of one Tina “Tedious” Brown, who also came up with the amazingly suck-tacular also-ran of an elitist gossip/political rag called Talk Magazine. Despite plenty of shameless self-promotion and general whoring on behalf of the magazine by Teeny Brown, it died a well-deserved and hopefully painful death less that two years after it’s “auspicious” debut. And, by “auspicious”, I mean the New York and DC cocktail club, limousine-liberal circuit liked it, and nobody else. I speak from experience, as the shameless self-promotion convinced some mistaken soul to buy me a subscription to this travesty in paper and ink. All I have to say after having read several issues was: ugh. And subsequent issues found their way immediately to the circular file.

Twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon Move In With Hugh Hefner

 

Karissa and Kristina Shannon. Meh. They

Hugh Hefner has found himself a set of twins. Good for Hef. Ya know, I think he might finally be ready to settle down. You know, start a family.

Not to be judgemental or anything, but they look like they just turned 17. 

Or here, they look like they just turned 12:

 

Kristina and Karissa Look Like Their About 13 Years Old. Can't Hef Find A Woman At Least Half His Age?

Apparently, Hugh spent a lot of time nursing an unrequieted love for the Olsen Twins, and this is the best he can do right now.

At least this time, it looks like Hef has finally found true love.