Posts Tagged 'angelina jolie'

Britney Spears and Paris Hilton Get Naked with Lindsay Lohan, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Plus Jenny McCarthy.

Or, Happy Belated Thanksgiving! Happy Turkey Day!

It is a turkey. Happy Belated Thanksgiving.

It is a turkey. Happy Belated Thanksgiving.

I won’t get into why I didn’t post any over the Thanksgiving Holidays, a time when we should all give thanks, love our country, fantasize about a hot chick dressed like Pocahontas, and re-read George Washington’s Thanksgiving Day Address

So what does the headline, and quite a few of my tags, have to do with Thanksgiving?

Well, first of all, they are all people who have a lot to be thankful for.

If Brad Pitt were less attractive, sixty pounds heavier, and way poorer, he would be no different from you or me. Kind of puts it all in perspective does it not?

If Brad Pitt were less attractive, sixty pounds heavier, and way poorer, he would be no different from you or me. Kind of puts it all in perspective does it not?

Second, they are all people we should be thankful for not being (except possibly Brad Pitt).

Third, they are all people who have been demonstrably naked at some time or another, and we could potentially be thankful for that. Depending.
 

New for Christmas! Its The Bondage Paris Hilton! Tied up With Microphone Cable! Ready to Please You! All the Kids Want One!

New for Christmas! Its The Bondage Paris Hilton! Tied up With Microphone Cable! Ready to Please You! All the Kids Want One!

But also because I’m thankful for the blog-o-sphere, and I’m thankful for Google Trends, and then deeper trends I see by looking at the logs, and seeing what kind of searches people keep hitting my blog-o-thingy on on a consistent basis. 

For example, one or two posts on Karen Allen, and I get a steady of trickle of hits on her as a search term every day. 

Karen Allen, beautiful as always, who you mostly seem to be looking for naked, which is understandable. I do not have those pictures here, but she is still beautiful. Yes, she is.

Karen Allen, beautiful as always, who you mostly seem to be looking for naked, which is understandable. I do not have those pictures here, but she is still beautiful. Yes, she is.

So, that’s Karen Allen. But one chick I’ve only mentioned once or twice is Lindsay Lohan, and you would think in this world of a gazillion pages on The Lohan, my minor mention wouldn’t get any notice at all. But there is a steady trickle. Presumably of Lohan-lookers who have gotten to the 438th page of results on “Lindsay Lohan” and have finally gotten to me. You pipples are obsessed.

Then there is Lindsay Lohan. Who is no doubt Lohan-liscious. But, jeeze, do not you peoplez ever get enough of the drunken irresponsible really-hot bimbo thing? Guess not.

Then there is Lindsay Lohan. Who is no doubt Lohan-liscious. But, jeeze, do not you peoplez ever get enough of the drunken irresponsible really-hot bimbo thing? Guess not.

I’ve never really mentioned Paris Hilton before, I don’t think. So this is kind of an experiment in that regard. Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton! Is magic happening yet?

Paris Hilton giving us that come hither stare. Turning on the Bette Davis Eyes. You know what I am talking about.

Paris Hilton giving us that come hither stare. Turning on the Bette Davis Eyes. You know what I am talking about.

Then, there’s Britney Spears. She makes catchy bubble-gum music. She can be very cute

Britney Spears in a Silver Cat Suit

Britney Spears in a Silver Cat Suit

She can look very futuristic and modern in a silver catsuit.

Britney Spears Demonstrates her Oral Abilities. In Concert. Of course that is what I meant. What were you thinking, pervertz?

Britney Spears Demonstrates her Oral Abilities. In Concert. Of course that is what I meant. What were you thinking, pervertz?

Indeed, she can be very, very hot when performing.

Britney is also very patriotic.

Britney is also very patriotic.

And she can take a good picture, when someone dresses her up right.

On the other hand, Britney Spears is also an ongoing, never-ending, rubber-neck-inducing train wreck:

Yikes! Britney Bald! Well, I guess she showed us.

Yikes! Britney Bald! Well, I guess she showed us.

So, I think the fascination with Britney is pretty easily explained. Lohan, too, I guess, since there is a human desire to watch a trainwreck and a pretty good likelihood with folks like Lindsay and Britney that there will be a serious derailment of the life train at some point, and it will be something to watch (even if we watch it queasily). But again, this is all very well-covered on the Internetz . . . how is it my late and minor mentions get any trickly of rubber-neckers at all? Very interesting, to me. And being interested is pleasant. And thus,  am thankful for the interesting-ness of it all. God bless the Internetz, and God bless us all, every one. Even Britney.

Then there are folks like Jenny McCarthy, who seems to have it generally together, even if she’s making the autism=vaccinations crusade the focal point of her life, which can make her seem a little, um, off-putting. But whatever. She’s still hot in the bathtub.

Jenny McCarthy Takes a bath. So hot I think I will upload this image, so it can be my go-to image anytime I have anything to say about Jenny McCarthy

Jenny McCarthy Takes a bath. So hot I think I will upload this image, so it can be my go-to image anytime I have anything to say about Jenny McCarthy

And then there is Angelina Jolie. There’s just something about Angelina Jolie. You must admit then, mustn’t you, yes? 

Angelina Jolie has a Certain Appeal. Gotta admit it.

Angelina Jolie has a Certain Appeal. Gotta admit it.

And, yes, she’s crazy enough that in addition to all the hotness, one always suspects there is an oncoming trainwreck. Or ritual murder.

Does Jolie Have Potential as a Ritual Murderer? I dunno. But I think most of us see the possibility.

Does Jolie Have Potential as a Ritual Murderer? I dunno. But I think most of us see the possibility.

Then there is Jennifer Aniston. Who is interesting because she was on Friends, and interesting because she made us believe she could actually be attracted to David Schwimmer, and interesting because she was doing the nasty with Brad Pitt but then Brad Pitt left her for Angelina Jolie and while she dabbled with Vince Vaughn and others, she’s bent on stalking Brad and breaking Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt up so there will no longer be a Brangelina. Just like she did with Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck (otherwise known as Bennifer),though she was so slick nobody ever knew it was her. 

Jennifer Aniston. Cute, but devious.

Jennifer Aniston. Cute, but devious.

And don’t get me started on other famous people I’m going to think of later and add to this article, because I’m genuinely curious as to how many over-covered stars and starlets and subjects of rumor and innuendo I can stick into one post, and then count how much trickle it gets from now until eternity. Um . . . Howard Stern? People are always searching the Google for Howard Stern. I’ll be thinking about it.

Matthew McConaughey! Who got arrested for playing bongo drums naked. Go to the link at look at the picture. Doesn’t his hairline appear to be receding? And that was almost ten years ago. How is it he always seems to have a luxurious head of hair in all the new movies? Hmmm? Conspiracy, that’s what it is. Conspiracy.

 

In the meantime, Stay Classy, Internetz.

Captain Caucasian on the “W Magazine” Cover? Nope, Angelina Jolie. Plus: Troopergate!

Nope, apparently it’s Angelina Jolie breastfeeding. Oooh! Scandalous.

Angelina Jolie, or somebody who looks like her, doing what comes naturally. This will not be the picture on the W Cover, which isnt available yet so stop looking for it.

Angelina Jolie, or somebody who looks like her, doing what comes naturally. This will not be the picture on the W Cover, which isn't available yet so stop looking for it.

You’re also looking around for Captain Caucasian. Captain Caucasian and the Raging Idiots? Seriously? You sure it’s not something else?

Just so you know, hemorrhagic fever is a fever triggered by any of a wide variety of RNA viruses, and are characterized by fever and bleeding. Yummy!

It’s apparently a big problem in South Africa right now.

James T. Harris, who complained that McCain isn’t doing enough to hit Obama and try and actually, I dunno, win the election is very popular search term right now. In addition to being a talkshow host, he’s also a motivational speaker and consultant. Way to go, James!

In financial doom–I mean, news–you’re all searching for the GM Stock Price. Um, given the market, what do you think it’s doing. Peoples are saying GM’s stock price hasn’t been this low since 1951. Is that an inflation adjusted figure?

In other gloom, GE’s earnings fall for the 3rd straight quarter. It’s the End Times, people! Cash in the mattress, bury gold in the backyard, and make sure you have plenty of canned foods, water, and ammunition.

Oh, and then there’s Troopergate. No, not the one with Bill Clinton that the news media dismissed and ignored, and not the one where Eliot Spitzer had cops spying on his political enemies. Instead, the press is all on about the one where Sarah Palin might have tried to get an unstable, violent trooper who had threatened to kill his wife off the streets before he did serious damage. That witch! Want a reasonably fair take on the story, check The Weekly Standard Blog. Don’t forget, Democrat State Senator Hollis French already promised that the Trooper Gate report would deliver a lovely October Surprise for the Democrats. Fancy That! And did he deliver or what?

Snowboarding on the USS Grunion

The USS Grunion. Aint Exactly Pretty.

The USS Grunion. Ain’t Exactly Pretty.

You Internets is sure interested in the USS Grunion.  What an unpleasant name for a piece of military hardware. Sank in 1942, she was discovered i the Berring Sea in 2006. A memorial is planned.

On the other hand, I know why you’re all into and over those Burton Snowboards. Cuz they got Playboy models all over ’em.

Burtons New Snowboard Line Features Sexy Ladies. And Whats Wrong With That? Much Better than Featuring Grunions.
Burton’s New Snowboard Line Features Sexy Ladies. And What’s Wrong With That? Much Better than Featuring Grunions.

 

In other news, David Zucker’s American Carol is out today. David Zucker did the original Airplane! and Top Secret! and a bunch of other classic 80s and 90s parodies. If you’re a right wing nut job, then you should find it funny. If you’re a left wing nut job, I’m predicting you won’t like it and plan on spamming Rotten Tomatoes with negative ratings and reviews, sight unseen.

John Voight aint trying to look like hes Angelina Jolies Grandmother. Hes George Washington, ya dumb arses. And Kelsey Grammer is Patton.
John Voight ain’t trying to look like he’s Angelina Jolie’s Grandmother. He’s George Washington, ya dumb arses. And Kelsey Grammer is Patton.
And since Voight is Angelina Jolie’s papa, why not include a pic of her, too? Sounds Good to me.
Angelina Jolie. Perpetually hot.

Angelina Jolie. Perpetually hot.


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