The Never-Ending Attack on Sarah Palin Continues

I guess that’s why we call it “never ending”. Here’s the LA Times Blog going on about Bristol Palin, who engaged in pre-marital sex and then decided to keep the baby! Shocks and Horrors!

Bristol Palin Plays Basketball, But Does Not Abort Babies. So the Left Hates Her Redneck Guts!

She doesn’t think teaching abstinence is realistic. And maybe it’s not. Maybe we should teach our sons and daughters to fornicate constantly. I would have been all for that in high school. Ah, well.

Abstinence advocates just need to increase the rate of marriage. If we could get all these kids married off, then there wouldn’t be any more sex. Nothing enforces a policy of strict abstinence like marriage. Sigh.

Here’s Bristol Palin, talking to Greta Van Sustren, saying she doesn’t think abstinence education is “realistic”. Yeah, you know, it probably isn’t. But implanted GPS trackers and 7:30 PM curfews are pretty realistic. Just saying.

 Well, she’ll be needing a lot of diapers. That’s all I’m saying about it.

What Just Happened? The Rein. And, The Democratics Burned Down the House

That’s a good question. The American Issues Project has an answer:

And this ad from the McCain camp has a little something to say on the issue, too:

Here’s Frank Luntz on the Most Effective Anti-Obama Ad Evah!  So naturally McCain doesn’t want to run it.

Maybe so. Still not as effective, if you ask me, is the more indepth overview of Republicans trying to prevent the financial meltdown while Democrats fought ’em tooth and nail. List to all the Democrats saying Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are fine and don’t need any oversight or changes, and how bad Republicans are for even bringing them up. Seriously, it’s amazing. The whole financial mess is tied to the Democrats in a big way right here, and does the McCain camp point people to a website? Offer this video anywhere?

Sheesh. Anyway, here it is:

And don’t forget the follow up, Democratics Be Burning Down the House:

Yah. You wanna know What Just Happened? That just happened, people.

And more, about Bank Affirmative Action. Obama. ACORN. It’s all there.

Forget the debates and the lameness thereof, Internets. This is your homework. You want more financial destruction, elect more Democrats. They think you do want it. And they will be delivering it to you, real soon now. In fact, Democrats can’t even wait for the traditional inauguration day to get into your wallets and start using the global economy as their personal piggy banks.

Paul Newman, Sarah Palin and Internet Memes Over the Long Term

Just recently, you crazy Internets have been doing some funky Sarah Palin love. And who can blame you?

Sarah Palin. Mayor of MILF. Governor of my heart.

I didn’t come up with the term “VPILF”, but, ya know, I understand why somebody out there did. Yeah, I’ve seen the Photoshizzled Palin bikini pic and the hot sexy skirt pic and the hottest governor pic . . . but, ya know what? The real, un-retouched Alaskan Moose-hunting uber-babe is the best.

But, that’s over the past 90 days, according the what The Dubya calls “The Google”. Biggest search terms besides Olympics and Sarah Palin? Hi5. It’s a social network? Another one? Damn. Look, don’t you Internets talk to each other enough? Just stop it with the socialite networkings. Just stop it. I’m serious.

Okay, but that’s not the point. The point was the other big searches, after Hi5, Sarah Palin and Olympics. What are you searching for? Facebook! You don’t know where Facebook is? MSNBC, maybe I can see, even though that doesn’t seem that complicated. You really don’t know where CNN is? What’s up with that? ESPN? You searching for that a lot. Craigslist? You put in the search for the Craigslist? What’s wrong with you, is the address bar broken or something? 

BTW, I hate Craigs List. Why you Internets love it so, like you want to kiss it and make love to it and have its babies, I do not know. You peoples have the issues.

Top searches? Myspace! Yahoo! YouTube! Good green golly, you people actually search for Google on Google! In the last 90 days, that’s the 4th most popular Google search! For the word “Google”. Either you Internets is so very stupid, or so very meta that you go beyond me. Far, far beyond me, into meta-meta-meta land. Bye-bye.

You search for eBay and MapQuest? You don’t know where those are? 

At least over the last few days, you narcissistic Internetters gave Paul Newman some love. Paul, you will be missed.

Paul will be missed. Look at him, he's so bad-ass. All the truly bad ass alpha male movie stars are gone. It's kinda sad, really. Cry for me, Internets. Cry for me now.

Go back to the top now. Isn’t that picture of Sarah Palin gorgeous. Maybe I have a man-crush on Paul Newman (if I am, in fact, what you humans call “a man”), but my heart belongs to Sarah. Alas, I must pine away in semi-anonymity. Now, I cry for me Internets. It is I that am now crying.

Internets, you’ve also been more interested in Fox News these days. I wonder why. Still, the main thing you search for, all the time, is Yahoo!, MySpace, YouTube and Google. Why are you searching for Google on The Google? Stop that.

You’ve also been interested in Orkut. That’s the difference between you and me, Internets. I’m not interested in Orkut. Never have been. Never will be. And you can’t make me.

Apparently you Internets are all interested in Ziggs right now. I have a hard time thinking that’s really true. I think you’re being played, Internets. I think you are being played. Just telling it like it is. I wouldn’t be your friend like I am, truly, if I didn’t.

Well, good night. I gotta go to bed. For real this time. But before I do . . . 

 

I'm in love. Sweet, sweet Sarah. If only you weren't married, and I wasn't married, and I wasn't a mysterious blogger who cannot reveal his or her true identity without fear of reprisals from the Illuminati. Or the Vril Society. I hear that's all the rage on the Internets these days.

 

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. From near to far, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.