John McCain and P.J. O’Rourke in Love Triangle With Amy Lumet?

Did John McCain and P.J. O’Rourke do a three-way with Sidney Lumet’s daughter, Amy Lumet?

Amy Lumet Apparently Confused The Oscars with the Golden Globes.

Um, could you blame them?

Unattributable.com aludes to it here.

In other news, what’s in The London Telegraph that has you Internets all excited? I don’t see nuthin’.

And you’re apparently very interesting the the Vice Presidential Debate Time. So ya know, it’s 9 PM Eastern. 8 PM Central. 7 PM Mountain time. 6 PM Pacific Daylight. There, are ya happy now?

BTW, Palin wins the debate. I’ve been to the future and seen it.

It’s Sarah Palin Bingo. People Out There Must Be Bored.

Wuzzup, my peeples? What’s the hot search topic today? Sarah Palin Bingo. You people, you amaze me. I love me some Sarah Palin, but this looks boring-er than playing real actual bingo, which is pretty boring, unless you are old, apparently.

Sarah Palin’s got her some BINGO! She’s so excited. I’m excited, too–about Palin. About Bingo, not so much.

In other political news, Sarah Palin win’s Bikini.com’s Most Wanted Bikini Model. Maybe it already happened:

Sarah Palin in a Swimsuit. Too bad it’s fake.

More damaging shocking truths about Sarah Palin are leaking onto the Internets ahead of tonight’s debate! All this time, Sarah Palin has been leading a secret double life!

All this time, Sarah Palin has led a secret life, in her satin tights, fighting for your rights, and the old red, white and blue. The Democratics say it’s a sinuous and scandalified.

You’re also still on about Penthouse Pet Cassia Riley. I already covered that.

Lots of interest in the USS Intrepid, otherwise known as “Sarah Palin’s Recreational Cruiser”.

You’re also oddly interested in Kelly Pugnea. A retired basketball guy’s wife? Man, you sportsters are hard up.

Gwen Ifill’s In a Wheelchair . . . uh, So What?

Gwen Ifill, who has both trash-talked Palin and has a new pro-Obama books for which she’ll make more money if Obamarama wins is tonight’s debate ‘moderator’, who claims, despite being wheelchair-bound, not to suffer from Palin Derangement Syndrome.

 Gwen Awful–I mean, Gwen Ifill broke her ankle and has to use a wheelchair. I wonder if it’s a cool motorized wheelchair like this one:

A super-cool power wheelchair that looks like a car seat–only the car is really, really small. And that’s some serious convertible, just a seat and wheels. Cool stuff. If I was Gwen Ifill, I’d be using this wheelchair right here.

Sarah Palin Wins the Debate! Hands Down! Biden Crawls off Stage in Shame!

Sarah Palin Wins the Debate! Victory for Sarah Palin! I Remain in Love.

How do I know this? Because I have been to the future. I’m not saying how I got there, but it went a little something like this:

I Came Here in a Time Machine that You Invented. Now I need Your Help to Get Back to the Year 1985. Sigh. If only. If only.

Basically, here’s how it broke down. Gwen Iffel asked the candidates how they felt race was affecting the election. Biden said, “Hey, now, I’m more racially sensitive than anybody. In fact, I challenge Mizz Palin to a break-dancing competetion, right here, right now.”

So, Sarah jumped over the lectern like a superhero and spun, flipped, and jammed for a full two minutes, shaming Biden. He then challenged her to some crumping, but his crumping was old and stale, and Palin’s crumping was fluid and dynamic and the audience cheered. Finally, Biden said they should end it all now with a poetry slam. Well, Palin slammed rhyme after rhyme, and old Joe just couldn’t keep up.

Finally, he conceded defeat, and Gwen Iffel ended the debate by telling everybody to read about all that just happened in her new book, coming out on Obama’s inaugaration day. Then she began accepting pre-orders.

Just one caveat. I don’t think it happened, but it is possible that my little trip to the future took me to an alternate universe, instead of our exact future. But there was still the big mortgage crisis with Frosty Mug and Freaky Moo, and the New Amsterdam Stock Exchange was still way down. But, if it was an alternate reality, then . . . nevermind.

The Late, Great Gilda Radner as Emily Litella. Right on Violins on Television. Right about the Eagle Rights Amendment. Right for Vice President.

 

 

 

Phish? That Many of You Really Care about Phish?

So, you people on the Internets this morning are all interested in Phish. Or a Phish Reunion. Boring, but true.

You’re also looking for info about Gwen Awful–I mean, Gwen Ifill, an Obama shill who apparently has a financial interest in Obama winning the election, who is the impartial objective moderator of tomorrow night’s presidential debate. Can I predict what you’ll be looking for tomorrow night? You’ll be The Googling “who won the vp debate” and “vp debate polling” and “sarah palin debate” and stuff like that. Sometimes, you’re kind of predictable, Internets.

Jennifer Miller Got a Little Rowdy at a Hotel. Not the first time that’s happened, I’m sure.

You’re also curious about one Jennifer Miller. Cuz she’s been in some kind of hotel dustup. Boring.

Be more exicting, Internets. I gotta go to the dentist. I expect you to have been more interesting by the time I get back.