The Apocalypse is Nigh: Al Franken Wins, Billy Mays is Dead

Al Franken is crazy, but maybe not any more crazy than the folks already in D.C. Anyway, he’s been declared the winner, Norm Coleman is sent packing, and another crazy Marxist is sent to Washington. Yay.

Al Franken: Another Crazy Marxist in the Senate. Awesome!

Did Al Franken steal the election? No, he’s a Kind of a Big Deal Around Here. He had other people steal it for him.

In other news, if you’ve been living under a rock and accidentally found your way to this blog, you might be surprised to learn that Billy Mays is dead. Like Michael Jackson (whose fans may kill themselves, so Jesse Jackson is urging them not to kill themselves yet), he was only 50. Some force of fate apparently has it in for 50 years olds right now. I’m glad I’m not 50 yet.

Billy Mays Had the Stuff To Clean My Carpet. For Only $19.99!

Sad. Billy Mays rocked.

Michael Jackson did Thriller. A Great, Great Album.

Thriller was one of the greatest pop albums of all time. Defined a frickin’ generation. R.I.P., Michael. You were a little weird, but you were a talented guy.

Was he crazy? Yeah, I guess so. But he rocked. And, unlike almost-as-insane-if-not-as-insane Al Franken, we never elected Michael to public office. Shamon!

Bernadette Peters Joins Regis on Live With Regis and Whoever

Bernadette Peters is joing Regis as co-host of Regis and Not Kathy Lee.

Bernadette Peters. Perpetually Gorgeous.

I’ve always had a thing for Bernadette Peters. It started with this particular scene from The Jerk:

 

And one more picture of Bernadette:

Bernadette Peters, Lounging Seductively.

She looks like she’s about ready to use a Point Relief Mini-Massager. Too bad we don’t get to see that action.

Neda Agha Sultan Shot Dead. Axis of Evil? Nah, Just a Misunderstanding.

There’s a video of Neda Agha Sultan being shot dead. I’m not posting the video, just follow the link if you want to see it. It’s fairly graphic.

Man, thank goodness Obama gave the speech in Cairo. By his own testimony–before they people started protesting and getting shot–he’s already fixed everything.

Thank goodness we won’t hold this murder of protestors against Iran or the Mullahs. Cuz, you know, we’re a kinder, more compassionate, more understanding nation. Of oppressive dictators and brutal totalitarian thugs. And radical Muslim Theocracies. Yay, Obama!

Fortunately, I have to struggle to keep my house, pay my raising taxes, and fight to keep my job in the constricting economy that Obama is “fixing”. So I’ll be distracted from our government’s tacit endorsement of the murder of political dissidents and brave people standing up against the violence and oppression of real totalitarian regimes.

Which we do not have in this country, BTW. We didn’t under Bush, and don’t under Obama. What’s new with Obama is our endorsement of brutal dictators–and the murder of their citizens, if they become inconvenient–as official  foreign policy.

Perez Hilton Assaulted for Being a Total Ass and Gratuitously Nasty

And a self-serving shiznickle.  Read about the assault here.

A video of the confrontation can be found on TMZ.

Perez Hilton, With a Black Eye, Which He Gets Often, Because He’s a Total Priznickle To Peoplez.

I don’t want to say he deserved it, because I don’t, but he almost certainly did deserve it, because he’s an incredibly pompous, self-righteous azz.

 

The John and Kate Divorce is Official. Like There Was Any Doubt.

They’ve decided to separate. But what they’ve done is file for divorce. And Jon is thinking about moving to New York. Good golly.

Jon and Kate Get To Experience Divorce with Eight Kids In the Full View of the American Public. Not Gonna Be Fun For Either of Them.

Far be it for a peon like me to offer advice or wisdom to a passive-aggressive man-child and his hateful, ice-queen shrew of a soon-to-be-former wife,  but good golly. They still have to split time at the house with the kids. “For the kids”, of course, but also for the show and their source of income and, for Kate, apparently her reason for existence.

A few kids tie divorcees together intractably if they have any responsiblity for their children–if they have any soul at all. And I think Jon and Kate both do. Eight kids are really going to tie you together. Deciding the kids will always stay at the house and the two of you will just split house time . . . oh, man. They sound so jaded and cynical, but their plans just seem incredibly niave. To me, anyway. But, it may make for good television.

Anyhoo, eight kids plus a life lived on reality television and in the tabloids is going to tie you together even closer, and make whatever “freedom” a certain passive-agressive man-boy thinks he’s getting by breaking free of the poison-tongued ball and chain largely illusory.

Essentially–I think I said that before–they are both going to get all the problems and difficulties and acrimony of divorce without any of the benefits.

On the other hand, I think Kate (and you women married to passive-agressive, “yes, dear” man-boys that you are prone to “correct” and “improve” and “help” with “constructive criticism” all the time) could draw a lesson from this experience. Those men may seem to “just take it”, but eventually that 10 year trickle of black bile that came from you “just being constructive” will end up coming up all at once and all the time, and he’s either going to break it off with no chance of reconciliation (probably cuz he already has himself a much sweeter sweetie) or will become so nasty, so often, you’ll want to break it off. Just keep it in mind, is all I’m saying.

Oh, and Jon? Lose the earrings. You look pathetically like a pathetic little man-boy going through a mid-life crisis and it’s just sad and stereotypically cliche. Plus, you’re already insanely spoiled and whiny and wimpy and niave . . . so, lose the earrings. Seriously. It’s just highlights what a self-serving, self-pitying dork you are.

Which doesn’t let Kate off the hook for being such a mega-bitch. Just saying.

Ed McMahon, A True Original, Dead at 86

Ed McMahon, who was a true original, and will always be one of the greats of the golden age of television, has passed away at the ripe old age of 86. He had a pretty good life, especially all those years sitting next to Johnny Carson and, more often than not, making Johnny laugh longer and harder than any other human being ever could. And we laughed with him. Or, I did, at least.

Ed McMahon was One of the Television Greats.

And nothing against Jay Leno, but since the days of the pairing of Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon passed, there’s been nothing like it on late night. They were both one-of-a-kinds, and never will we see their like again.

More on Ed McMahon’s long and prolific career from Wikipedia.

Jon and Kate Announcement “Spoiler”: It’s Just Not Working Out

Jon and Kate look to be heading for divorce. They just had to time it good for the ratings, you know.

Here is more on “the end” from National Ledger.

Looks like we’ll get to watch many of the details of the possibly messy divorce from our living room couches.

Jon and Kate after renewing their vows. Which just goes to show, renewing your vows often leads to divorce.

Yay. Sounds fun. Is it just me, or does Jon look like he could use some Decubi-Vite multi-vitamin capsules? He always looks so tired, so apathetic, so beat down with a stick. Oh, wait, maybe it’s because Kate spends so much time beating him down with a stick. Not that Jon’s pathetic, highly unmanly, hyper passive-agressive shtick wins me over.

Carrie Prejan Won’t Appear in Playboy, Despite Losing Her Crown

She got fired by Donald Trump (oh, the irony!) because she wouldn’t meet her contractual obligations.

Prejean Looks Kinda Like a Mannequin

But, despite having a few racy photos out there on the internet, she won’t pose in Playboy.

Carrie Prejeans "Racy" Photo

In other news, Felicia Day is cool.

The obsess over her on Big Kev’s Geek Stuff, a podcast I’ve come to enjoy, and so I thought I’d offer a few pics of Felicia Day, just to mix it up.

Felicia is Smokin’ Hot, I Gotta Admit.

Sassy!

She also did a little something called Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-Long Blog. Have you heard of it?

Felicia Day is Ultra-Hot with Uber Geek Cred. The perfect woman, in other words.

She also does The Guild. Her geek cred is top notch.

Jillian Barberie is Ready to Pop, According To TMZ

TMZ says Jillian Barberie, pregnant with Grant Reynold’s demon offspring, is ready to pop.

Jillian Barberie was Impregnated by Grant Reynolds. I wonder what first attracted him to her.

And a little more Jillian:

A Pre-Pregnancy Jillian Barberie.

And I suppose I oughta include a picture of the pregnant Jillian Barberie, since that’s the story you’re apparently interested in.

Jillian Barberie is Plenty Pregnant, Thanks to that Randy Grant Reynolds.

That’s it for now. More later. Booyah!

Yay! Super Mario Galaxy 2 is Coming

Update: Video for Super Mario Galaxy 2 right here!

Super Mario Galaxy 2 is on the way!

Gamespot has the scoop. Super Mario Galaxy 2 is coming! This is actually the first time in a long time Nintendo has done a straight Super Mario sequel for the platform–you generally got your one traditional Super Mario Title–Super Mario 64 for the Nintendo 64, Super Mario Sunshine for the Game Cube, and then everything else was a tangential title–Super Mario Kart, Paper Mario (a licensed title), Yoshi’s Island and so on.

This always mystified me. Like, Super Mario 64. They had the engine, they had the controls, they had a ton of the models–why not do a second story, with different modes of transition into different worlds that could be readily assembled out of the existing artwork? They’d clean up and . . . well, sufficed to say, I just never got it.

While Nintendo typically limits its flagship 3D Mario titles to one per console generation, the publisher said that it was making an exception for the Wii with Super Mario Galaxy 2.

And no explanation as to why they limit it, or why they chose not to, this time. But they made the right decision.

They’ve also got a New Super Mario Bros. title for the Wii coming! All right! I’m so stoked. Most awesome gaming news in years, considering the only titles I really care much about playing either have the words “Super Mario” or “Legend of Zelda” in them.

More on New Super Mario Bros. for Wii.

Speaking of Legend of Zelda, there will be a new Zelda title for the Nintendo DS. The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. Looks to be done in the Windwaker style. Looks good to me!

As novel as a second big Mario title for a single platform is the fact that interesting news is coming out of E3, which has been anemic for years. They actually scored some coups this year. Good for them.

E3 Booth Babes. They are much hotter in person. Trust me.

In related news, check out the E3 booth babes from previous years here.

Two potentially awesome new Mario titles. I’m so stoked. That is all.

Kate Gosselin, sans Jon, Shows Off Bikini Body

Yup. You can see the scar, but she sure looks smokin’ hot in that bikini. You go, girl!

Kate Gosselin, hitting the beaches without her soon-to-be-former cuckolded husband, Jon, showed off the free surgery she scammed through her freebie-and-money-grab reality exploitation show, Jon & Kate Plus Eight. She had to be showing it off because she has mentioned numerous time how to the paparazzi descend on her and snap a zillion pictures whever she’s in public. So she was givin’ ’em somethin’ to talk about.

You can see the scar, but MILFy Kate Gosselin still rocks that bikini pretty hard. No wonder she wants a beefy security guard, rather that dumpy, chubby, balding hubby, Jon.

I wonder if she’s been working out. Probably. Hey, paparazzi!

Ah, well. A pleasant tune, entirely unrelated, from Al Phlipp and the Woo Team. And in 3/4 time!

Enjoy a little “Apothegm”, from the Al Phlipp album, Apophenia. If you read the definition, apophenia is a good description for most of the post-2000 Al Phlipp music.

Former MTV VJ Adam Curry Getting Divorced from MILF Dutch Model Patricia Paay

Divorce is in the air. Former VJ and current conspiracy nut Adam Curry is getting divorced from Patricia Paay, who is all hung up on Adam Curry having an affair with model/business women Micky Hoogendijk.

Adam Curry and Patricia Paay. They used to like each other.

Apparently, Adam has traded her in for a new model. Or, wanted to add another model to his collection: Micky Hoogendijk. I wonder why?

What could Adam Curry Possibly See In This Woman?

Serious grabbies from Micky Hoogendijk. Apparently, that’s the sort of thing Adam Curry is into. Can you imagine? Sheesh.

But, Adam Curry is not alone regarding his incipient divorce. Things also look pretty grim in the world of large family reality (re: exploitation) television. Jon and Kate Gosselin aren’t getting along, and look primed to get divorced. They are practically seperated as it is.

Kate Gosselin as The Grim Reaper in a Blue Jean Mini-Skirt. Hey, should looks good, even if she’s mean as a mouth full of nails and as sharp as broken glass.

 Kate is just mean. She’s just nasty mean to her largely neutered husband, Jon Gosselin, and while he’s been dishing it out to her, too, it’s because he one of any number a zillion guys who have been trained that they have to be nice and submissive to the morally superior women of the world, and get surprised when that ends with them getting their heads stomped on and their hearts skewered and barbecued. Then, after being beat down for a few years, they get kinda nasty in return. Who woulda thunk it?

Jon and Kate Used to Get Along, Too. Apparently, Jon Has Some Other Woman.

Apparently, as with Adam Curry, it’s the guy’s fault. Sewing his wild oats, sleeping around. Although in Curry’s case, I doubt his wife every yelled at him and criticized him, and everything he did, the way Kate did Jon.

In Jon’s case, he was apparently carrying on with Deanna Hummel, at least according to Perez Hilton. Who you can trust, because he’s not a backstabbing, hateful ass of a human being.

Jon Gosselin Sleeping Around on Kate with Deanna Hummel. And Kate always seemed so supportive and affectionate.

Maybe Jon could hook up with Patricia Paay and Adam Curry could hook up with Kate Gosselin (he likes the MILFs, and Kate Gosselin, her hard, bitter, evil heart aside, does look very hot). And I think Adam Curry wanted to do a reality show, he sorta lives his life that way.