Jon Gosselin Is Now World’s Biggest Scumbag

I’m not saying it. Per se. But talent bookers, who help keep d-list celebrities employed and making money, are. Check out E! Online’s profanely named Answer Bitch on Jon’s booking problems.

Jon Gosselin Describes Himself with his Shirt.

Which is all too bad. Jon was actually kind of sympathetic when his uber-beeyotch of a wife was needlessly and constantly biting and sniping and trying to crush his soul in service of her high-and-might queendom.

Now, he’s utterly unsympathetic. He’s responded to a nasty insult by getting in his car and running over the insulter’s cat. Then setting their house on fire.

He’s gone from being a kind of nice, if spineless, guy to a ballsy, but still often passive-agressive, creep.

Like when he had some skank he had shagged a few times come watch the kids while he was filming his segment on Jon & Kate. And Kate wanted to come check on the kids, and he wouldn’t let her in, and she called the police–uber-beeyotch at work, yes, but still–and then the police told her she had to go away.

That whole “sharing the house with your former spouse that you went through an ugly divorce with for the sake of a reality television show” is a bad idea, BTW.

This weekend, he got a gig hanging around at the MGM Grand Hotel or something in vegas, and, according to People:

During the two hours he was present, Gosselin, sporting shorts and a collared shirt, was spotted collecting a few phone numbers and mixing drinks for scantily dressed women.

Well, at least it doesn’t look like he’s planning on settling down again. Clearly, getting married is not his gig.

 

Kate Gosselin Looked Disturbed as a Young Woman

Prepare yourself. After this, you may need some stool softener to help you unclench. Just sayin’.

This is actually Kate Gosselin, before she was Kate Gosselin or new John Gosselin. Wow!

Kate Gosselin was almost married to some other guy, who says she’s  a super-freak, and Jon’s better off getting out. Not that Jon’s exactly a prize.

Jon Gosselin was not the first (and probably not the second or third) man that Kate Kreider (she looks like a Kreider in that picture, doesn’t she?) wanted to marry.  While still in nursing school, she became engaged to 19-year-old factory worker Adam Miller (by twisting his arm), and was pressuring him to have kids with her fertile self, even though they were still living in his parents’ house. Yikes.

Apparently, she had this business plan in mind very early on.

In other Gosselin news, Jon has gone from divorced to public dating to apparently proposing marriage to his new girl, proving he’s got no clue how he looks to the public, what women want, how to stop being a doormat, or how to think anything through. And, no doubt, he’ll still whine about everything. Sheesh.

And he bought her a $180,000 ring? Engagement ring or not, what kind of idiot is this guy? I never cared for how Kate treated him, but, jeeze, maybe he did deserve it. Moron.

What a trainwreck these two turned out to be. And they got married, had eight kids, and then invited TV cameras to come in and watch it all fall apart. Sheesh.

Speak of the devil. Hailey’s Lesbian Lover warns Jon: She’ll Destroy You! Of course she will. You don’t have to be Hailey’s former lesbian lover to see that.

Hailey Glassman is the floozy Jon got seduced and, with Kate’s help, helped wreck the Gosselin marriage. Three cheers for the kids!

The John and Kate Divorce is Official. Like There Was Any Doubt.

They’ve decided to separate. But what they’ve done is file for divorce. And Jon is thinking about moving to New York. Good golly.

Jon and Kate Get To Experience Divorce with Eight Kids In the Full View of the American Public. Not Gonna Be Fun For Either of Them.

Far be it for a peon like me to offer advice or wisdom to a passive-aggressive man-child and his hateful, ice-queen shrew of a soon-to-be-former wife,  but good golly. They still have to split time at the house with the kids. “For the kids”, of course, but also for the show and their source of income and, for Kate, apparently her reason for existence.

A few kids tie divorcees together intractably if they have any responsiblity for their children–if they have any soul at all. And I think Jon and Kate both do. Eight kids are really going to tie you together. Deciding the kids will always stay at the house and the two of you will just split house time . . . oh, man. They sound so jaded and cynical, but their plans just seem incredibly niave. To me, anyway. But, it may make for good television.

Anyhoo, eight kids plus a life lived on reality television and in the tabloids is going to tie you together even closer, and make whatever “freedom” a certain passive-agressive man-boy thinks he’s getting by breaking free of the poison-tongued ball and chain largely illusory.

Essentially–I think I said that before–they are both going to get all the problems and difficulties and acrimony of divorce without any of the benefits.

On the other hand, I think Kate (and you women married to passive-agressive, “yes, dear” man-boys that you are prone to “correct” and “improve” and “help” with “constructive criticism” all the time) could draw a lesson from this experience. Those men may seem to “just take it”, but eventually that 10 year trickle of black bile that came from you “just being constructive” will end up coming up all at once and all the time, and he’s either going to break it off with no chance of reconciliation (probably cuz he already has himself a much sweeter sweetie) or will become so nasty, so often, you’ll want to break it off. Just keep it in mind, is all I’m saying.

Oh, and Jon? Lose the earrings. You look pathetically like a pathetic little man-boy going through a mid-life crisis and it’s just sad and stereotypically cliche. Plus, you’re already insanely spoiled and whiny and wimpy and niave . . . so, lose the earrings. Seriously. It’s just highlights what a self-serving, self-pitying dork you are.

Which doesn’t let Kate off the hook for being such a mega-bitch. Just saying.

Jon and Kate Announcement “Spoiler”: It’s Just Not Working Out

Jon and Kate look to be heading for divorce. They just had to time it good for the ratings, you know.

Here is more on “the end” from National Ledger.

Looks like we’ll get to watch many of the details of the possibly messy divorce from our living room couches.

Jon and Kate after renewing their vows. Which just goes to show, renewing your vows often leads to divorce.

Yay. Sounds fun. Is it just me, or does Jon look like he could use some Decubi-Vite multi-vitamin capsules? He always looks so tired, so apathetic, so beat down with a stick. Oh, wait, maybe it’s because Kate spends so much time beating him down with a stick. Not that Jon’s pathetic, highly unmanly, hyper passive-agressive shtick wins me over.

Kate Gosselin, sans Jon, Shows Off Bikini Body

Yup. You can see the scar, but she sure looks smokin’ hot in that bikini. You go, girl!

Kate Gosselin, hitting the beaches without her soon-to-be-former cuckolded husband, Jon, showed off the free surgery she scammed through her freebie-and-money-grab reality exploitation show, Jon & Kate Plus Eight. She had to be showing it off because she has mentioned numerous time how to the paparazzi descend on her and snap a zillion pictures whever she’s in public. So she was givin’ ’em somethin’ to talk about.

You can see the scar, but MILFy Kate Gosselin still rocks that bikini pretty hard. No wonder she wants a beefy security guard, rather that dumpy, chubby, balding hubby, Jon.

I wonder if she’s been working out. Probably. Hey, paparazzi!

Ah, well. A pleasant tune, entirely unrelated, from Al Phlipp and the Woo Team. And in 3/4 time!

Enjoy a little “Apothegm”, from the Al Phlipp album, Apophenia. If you read the definition, apophenia is a good description for most of the post-2000 Al Phlipp music.

Former MTV VJ Adam Curry Getting Divorced from MILF Dutch Model Patricia Paay

Divorce is in the air. Former VJ and current conspiracy nut Adam Curry is getting divorced from Patricia Paay, who is all hung up on Adam Curry having an affair with model/business women Micky Hoogendijk.

Adam Curry and Patricia Paay. They used to like each other.

Apparently, Adam has traded her in for a new model. Or, wanted to add another model to his collection: Micky Hoogendijk. I wonder why?

What could Adam Curry Possibly See In This Woman?

Serious grabbies from Micky Hoogendijk. Apparently, that’s the sort of thing Adam Curry is into. Can you imagine? Sheesh.

But, Adam Curry is not alone regarding his incipient divorce. Things also look pretty grim in the world of large family reality (re: exploitation) television. Jon and Kate Gosselin aren’t getting along, and look primed to get divorced. They are practically seperated as it is.

Kate Gosselin as The Grim Reaper in a Blue Jean Mini-Skirt. Hey, should looks good, even if she’s mean as a mouth full of nails and as sharp as broken glass.

 Kate is just mean. She’s just nasty mean to her largely neutered husband, Jon Gosselin, and while he’s been dishing it out to her, too, it’s because he one of any number a zillion guys who have been trained that they have to be nice and submissive to the morally superior women of the world, and get surprised when that ends with them getting their heads stomped on and their hearts skewered and barbecued. Then, after being beat down for a few years, they get kinda nasty in return. Who woulda thunk it?

Jon and Kate Used to Get Along, Too. Apparently, Jon Has Some Other Woman.

Apparently, as with Adam Curry, it’s the guy’s fault. Sewing his wild oats, sleeping around. Although in Curry’s case, I doubt his wife every yelled at him and criticized him, and everything he did, the way Kate did Jon.

In Jon’s case, he was apparently carrying on with Deanna Hummel, at least according to Perez Hilton. Who you can trust, because he’s not a backstabbing, hateful ass of a human being.

Jon Gosselin Sleeping Around on Kate with Deanna Hummel. And Kate always seemed so supportive and affectionate.

Maybe Jon could hook up with Patricia Paay and Adam Curry could hook up with Kate Gosselin (he likes the MILFs, and Kate Gosselin, her hard, bitter, evil heart aside, does look very hot). And I think Adam Curry wanted to do a reality show, he sorta lives his life that way.