McCain’s Secret Plan to Get Bin Ladin Revealed!

McCain mentioned last night in the debate he had a plan to get Bin Ladin. Many people wondered, what is this secret plan that he won’t reveal unless elected president?

It turns out that the main plan being considered was authored by none other than Freddie Jones of Mystery, Inc. McCain has bought into the plan, and it’s likely to go forward if he’s elected president.

Freddie Jones has the Plan that McCain Will use to Catch Bin Ladin.

First, a large dog dressed like Jesus Christ and carrying an American flag will be enticed to run around in front of Bin Ladin via the use of Scooby Snacks.

Then, when Bin Ladin gives chase, the dog will lead him into an old warehouse, where the floor has been covered with axle grease. This will make Bin Ladin slip, and slide inexorably towards a washing machine that is wired up to several car batteries and is placed precariously on a catapult. He will fall into the washing machine, which will begin spinning him around, as the catapult fires and sends Bin Ladin, in the washing machine, hurtling into a large net stretched across the ceiling.

When the washing machine hits the net, Bin Ladin will be dumped out, very dizzy and unable to escape, while several buckets of quick setting glue are poured down onto him, holding him into place. Finally, Velma Dinkley will walk up, remove Bin Ladin’s turban, and reveal him to be the old caretaker, Mr. Jenkins, who had just been trying to scare America away because he’d found oil on the old Afghanistan Place.

And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for those darn kids. And your darn president McCain.

Who Is Sarah Vowell, And Why Is The Internets Looking For Her and Her Wordy Shipmates?

Sure, Sarah Vowell is Cute In Her Own Way. But She Has Another Identity.

Sarah Vowell is of Interest to the Internets Tonight. Why is that? Could it be Because of Sarah Vowell’s Other Life?

Sarah Vowell is the voice of Violet. In the Best Movie Ever.

That’s Right. She’s also Violet Parr, from The Incredibles. And what a great vocal performance she turned in. In one of my favorite movies of all time. So whatever you’re all on about tonight, Internets, your intentions better be pure. That’s all I’m saying.

Apparently, you are innocently interested in Vowell’s recent book, The Wordy Shipmates. Good going, Internets. I’m proud of you.

Up and coming in the searching department is Tegan and Sara.

Um, not to jump to conclusions, but Tegan and Sara look like they'd be home in flannel shirts and baseball caps. Like they like to play a little bit of softball. Like they prefer action movies to chick flicks. If you know what I mean.

Canadian Singer-Songwriters Tegan and Sara . . . zzzzz . . . sorry, I fell asleep there. What were we talking about?

Oh. Right. Nothing.

Suzanne Malveaux is pretty cute. Seriously, that's all I know about her. That, and that she works for the Communist News Network.

Suzanne Malveaux is also a person of interest. I’m sure it has something to do with the debates, but I can’t figure out what. Maybe this?

Well, I’m tired Internets. The Internets may never sleep, but I gotta. Good night.

Well, except for this.

Spank Heidi Strobel. She Wants You To.

BTW, I’ve so far posted about 50 things to me blog (yes, I mean to say “me”), and I gotta say, you folks continue to show an unhealthy interest in Heidi Strobel. What is it about her? I mean . . .

Heidi Strobel. You Folks on the Internets Sure Do Like Her.

Okay, she’s cute. I get that. But, beyond that . . . I’m not so sure. Do you Internets suspect she’s going to cure cancer or something? She’s in the Playguy magazine with some other chick, so I guess that’s it. Well, stay classy, Internets. Stay classy.

Heidi Strobel Looking Strobelicious..

Okay then. More Heidi Strobel. Just to make you happy.

Heidi Strobel Poses With Some Other Chick in Playboy. Like That's Never Happened Before.

Now, that’s it. Enough with the Heidi and the Strobel and the Strobeliciousness and typing things like Hedie Stroble or Hiede Stroebl for the misspellers out there. I gotta go to bed. Seriously. Now. G’night.

McCain Refers to Obama as “That One.” And It’s Racist!

McCain refers to Obama as “That One.” Obama refers to McCain as “Methuselah”.

And you’re looking for it. You just want to stir up the shiznitz. I know you do. Don’t act all innocent. “Oooh, racism! Let’s fight!” Come on, losers. John McCain isn’t a racist. He’s just very old, and very grumpy, and pissed that he has to be running against Barack Obama instead of Al Gore, when he was younger and had more vim and vigor.

Ezra Klein on “That One”. He’s a big lib and he doesn’t think it was racist, either. So there.

General Consensus: every one thinks McCain Lost the Debate. And what would you guess CNN’s take on the debate would be?

Top search as of this hour on The Googles? “Walk Softly and Carry a Big Stick“. Seriously? Did you Internets not go to school? Do you not know the quote? Gotta be sure he got it wrong, or mighta got it wrong, before you start rampaging on your oh-so-important blogs? Someone needs to take a big stick to your heads. Or you need to go back to school. I’m not sure which one.

You’re also curious about this AIG Junket that Obama mentioned. Trying to make a scandal out of nothing at all. McCain has Bill Ayers and Reverend Wright and millions of dollars of laundered oversea money going into the Obama campaign and political endorsements from America’s enemies an ties to the PLO and Hamas and on and on and Obama has . . . a junket. Damning!

I see the debate has also revived interested in “Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran“. That’s actually the search term you are using. Link is to the video on YouTube of McCain singing his little diddy. Hard to yak about how Obama isn’t serious about foreign threats with stuff like that out there. And the lefty blogosphere is on its way to making a big deal of it, since McCain denied that he did it, sort of.

Soledad O’Brien Biased? In the Tank for Obama? Perish the Thought! She’s Just an Objective, Straight-Arrow Journalist in the Mold of Edward R. Murrow, Walter Cronkite, Keith Olberman and Michael Moore. You Crazy Wingnuts!

You’re also searching for CNN reporterette Soledad O’Brien. Could you be thinking about this Newsbusters Report?

Skylar Deleon Killed People With a Yacht. Update: Jury Says, “Death to All Power Rangers!”

 Or, apparently, killed some people on a yacht. And I thought it was a case of “murder by yacht”. That would be worthy of your interest. This is just kinda Milli-Vanilli sad.

Probably Not Skylare Deleon, But a Power Ranger None-the-less.

Skylar Deleon used to be a Power Ranger. He used to fight for good. Apparently, all that changed and he and his pregant wife and some folks conspired to murder some rich people with a yacht. Good thinking, Skylar! What a great way to get out of a dire financial situation. Goofball.

This is Skylar Deleon. And his murderous wife, Jennifer. This was probably her idea. It's always the woman, provoking man to evil. Adam and Eve. That's all I'm saying.

Bumped Update (11/7/08): Jury Hands down a Death Sentence for Skylar. He should have kept fighting for justice. He was the star of Power Rangers, you know. He actually helped create the show. Plus, at one time he was a real life super-hero. And ran for president of the United States. Almost won. And he was one thousand feet tall. And had a big blue Ox named ‘Murder One’.

Update: TruTV Did a show on the Skylar Deleon Case. You want full information, check that, and Wikipedia on Skylar Deleon. Okay. My work is done here.

Update2: Skylar Deleon was not technically a Power Ranger. He was an extra on the show once. Not even a speaking part. He was not literally a Power Ranger, except possibly at Halloween. And people on the internet are very concerned that the “record be set straight” on that issue. But it’s not because they are fanboys without lives or anything. It’s because they are utterly and completely clueless. I mean, it’s breathtaking. Now, back to the original post . . .

Again, you are searching for the “commercial paper“. In short, commercial paper is an unsecured promissory note with a fixed maturity of one to 270 days. Banks trade them to other banks and businessess to keep the business world afloat, and when there’s no commercial paper, and businesses and banks are used to doing business with easily borrowed money, business stops and bad things happen to the economy. Or it becomes more expensive to do business, and businesses have to find more expensive ways to get money. As an individual or a small business, there ain’t no commercial paper for you. There never was and there never will be. Go away. There ya go. Glad to help.

You’re also searching about your right to vote. How very civic minded of you, Internets. You’re also searching a lot on “presidential debate oct 7“. I’m so glad that you’re participating in our participatory Democracy. Vote for the ticket with the hot chick on it. That’s all I’m saying.

You’re also searching for Margaret Haddican McEnroe.

Margaret Haddican-McEnroe is Missing. Find her, and you’ll get some money.

She’s been missing since October, 2006. Good luck to them, and you Internets. It’s bad when someone goes missing, but 2 years is a long time to be gone.

Finally, a good place to get medical supplies. Cuz I work with ’em. There ya go.

Laterz, Internets.