Where Do You Vote? Voting Locations? Voting Polls?

Where am I registered to vote? Seriously? You don’t know where you’re registered to vote? And you’re just trying to figure it out now? The day before election day?

I’m glad you’re all so civic-minded, Internetz, but, uhm, aren’t you just a little bit tardy? I’ve known where I’m voting for years.

Voting locations are, naturally, different everywhere. So you better ad your local county, city or municipality to your search. Just saying.

Google Maps is listing most voting locations. Of course, gazillionaire Google CEO backs Obama. So be careful.

Well, remember, you have an importance choice before you. Obama Girl supports Barack Obama.

She supports Barack Obama. She is also hot. Important to consider. But what kind of wealth will she want to redistribute while she distracts you with her naughty nibbly bits? Hmm?

McCain girl is also hot. While the decision is hard, I think I know who deserves my vote.

Oh, yeah. I know who I like in this election.

Gotta love McCain Girl and the Enchanted Republican Forest.

Yeah, I know they’re making fun of Republicans. It’s still a great video.

I think I’ve got a new hero in Don’t Tax Me Turtle.

Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour Splitting Up? And John McCain on SNL

Apparently, they are splitting up. Or, hold on, maybe they aren’t.

 

A crappy picture of both of them. Which one do you think is more attractive?

If they do split, I think I know what went wrong. “That meatloaf was awful. It didn’t even taste like food. And last night? I’ve seen more passion out of am 80 year old nun. You were horrible. Horrible! And you just aren’t star material.”

 

John McCain Sings The Hits.

In other news, John McCain was on SNL last night. Pretty funny stuff. He does his own infomercial. On the Home Shopping Network. Take that, Obamarama! BTW, Ralph Nader calls him Obamarama, too.

But, back to the topic at hand. Saturday Night Live has proven itself more politically relevant, and risk taking, this year than it has in, what? A decade? Props, SNL. Props.

As for McCain, I think he’s just holding on, hoping for The Bradley Effect to kick in at the last minute. Me, I’m hoping the Oh-My-Gosh-I-Don’t-Really-Want-To-Put-A-Socialist-60s-Radical-In-The-Whitehouse effect kicks in. But I don’t think it will.

So, all hail Our Glorious Leader! I love me some Obama. No need to round me up and put me in a camp. No, no indeed.

…

And now, a randomly hot chick who is so gorgeous it makes my teeth hurt, and the fact she was probably born the same year I graduated from high school makes me feel very old. Very, very old. But here she is.

 

A randomly hot babe. Cuz if she is covering her nozzles, it aint technically nudity. Not exactly.

McCain on Letterman, McCain and Obama at Alfred E. Smith Dinner and Palin 2012

McCain on Letterman admits he screwed up when he cancelled appearance. “Look, I wasn’t going to show up, but now I’m nose-diving in the polls so I’ll try anything. Want to see me bite the head off a chicken?”

And McCain is confronted on the hot controversy of . . . G. Gordon Liddy. Ah, pipples. Some days I weep for our Democracy.

More at RightPundits.

In other newses, McCain Roasts Obama Like a Vicious Republican Attack Machine at the Al E. Smith Dinner:

And then Obama is funny, and says funny stuff, and is a great guy at the same Alfred E. Smith Dinner:

More lucid commentary from Right Pundits (again, with those people!).

What do I think? McCain and Obama both came off great at the Al. E Smith Dinner, Letterman came off as a little petty and McCain came off as a little desperate during the Letterman show. Obama is gonna win and McCain is going to ride of into the sunset and, despite how much the commies in this country hate her, Sarah Palin is going to be back. Guaranteed.

Yay, Sarah! Palin 2012. That’s all I’m saying.

Last, but not least, the Sarah Palin bio video that you didn’t get to see at the Republican Convention:

 

John McCain Has Mad Skillz On the Drumz! Who Knew?

John McCain is fighting to become our Percussionist In Chief. Apparently, the John McCain Drumming meme is hot today. Hot!

Hot like John McCain riding that snare, baby.

Man, can John McCain play the skins or what?

Linda Larkin Debates Senator Government and John McTame

Linda Larkin. That’s a very 1960’s Marvel’s Comics kind of name.

Linda Larkin is a Well Known Stage Actress. Yawn.

Cute enough. But you probably know her better when she’s dressed like this:

Linda Larkin was the voice of Princess Jasmine. Funny, she doesn't look middle-eastern. Linda Larkin, I mean. Very in-authentic. Of Disney.

Apparently there’s an Obama Tax Calculator so we can calculate the tax cut we might theoretically get, if doesn’t turn out that the Democratics just need to raise all our taxes because of how bad things really are, which is how it usually works. Must’ve come up in the debate that was on while I was busy flossing my toes.

That One and the Old Guy Debate About Who Can Blink And Smirk The Most.

 

You’re searching up a storm, all of a sudden, on the term ‘litmus test‘. Fair enough. But what is a real litmus test, anyway? Haven’t you ever asked yourself that question?

There are apparently so many of you thinking they are saying “lipness test” that you are searching for a lipness test. Lipness. That’s just sad, Internets. Truly said.

The Answer to The Great Debate question of Supreme Court litmus tests? Abortion is bad, but Obama likes ’em better than McCain, because McCain likes babies and Obama thinks women should get to choose their womb contents. Concise, done, next topic.

Amazingly, there was a lot of looking up of the word repudiate during the debate. Seriously, you don’t know what repudiate means? Damn, we need ourselves some of those charter schools, like they busy kickin’ it wit’ in DC.

They could at least get us some school vouchers or sumtin’.

During the Great Debate that happened at some point in the recent past of tonight when I’m writing this, McTame called The Obamarama “Senator Government“. Which is a great frickin’ line. Democratic blogs I’ve been reading think it was an accident, and maybe it wuz, but I hope it was on purpose. Good line. 

Senator Government is clearly going to become the new in-slam to throw down at Obama. It’s already cropping up all over.

You’re also looking up “Sarah Palin Autism”, cuz you either think McCain was saying Palin’s youngest child has autism (he does not) and wanted to go nyah-nyah on him, or you think Sarah Palin has autism. She does not.

This guy is named Dr. Goo, and the autism thing pissed him off. Everything McCain said pissed him off. But then, his name is Dr. Goo, why do we care what frickin’ pissed this jackhole off?

I like the line about how he almost punched his mother’s big screen TV. The more kids that live at home and live off their parents indefinitely, the more Democratics we’re going to have in this country. Bye-bye, country.

McCain’s Secret Plan to Get Bin Ladin Revealed!

McCain mentioned last night in the debate he had a plan to get Bin Ladin. Many people wondered, what is this secret plan that he won’t reveal unless elected president?

It turns out that the main plan being considered was authored by none other than Freddie Jones of Mystery, Inc. McCain has bought into the plan, and it’s likely to go forward if he’s elected president.

Freddie Jones has the Plan that McCain Will use to Catch Bin Ladin.

First, a large dog dressed like Jesus Christ and carrying an American flag will be enticed to run around in front of Bin Ladin via the use of Scooby Snacks.

Then, when Bin Ladin gives chase, the dog will lead him into an old warehouse, where the floor has been covered with axle grease. This will make Bin Ladin slip, and slide inexorably towards a washing machine that is wired up to several car batteries and is placed precariously on a catapult. He will fall into the washing machine, which will begin spinning him around, as the catapult fires and sends Bin Ladin, in the washing machine, hurtling into a large net stretched across the ceiling.

When the washing machine hits the net, Bin Ladin will be dumped out, very dizzy and unable to escape, while several buckets of quick setting glue are poured down onto him, holding him into place. Finally, Velma Dinkley will walk up, remove Bin Ladin’s turban, and reveal him to be the old caretaker, Mr. Jenkins, who had just been trying to scare America away because he’d found oil on the old Afghanistan Place.

And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for those darn kids. And your darn president McCain.

McCain Unhinged? Common Dreams Thinks So

McCain Unhinged?

 Common Dreams–and, by Common they mean “Communist” and by Dreams they mean “We Dream of Ruling Over you With Iron Fists in Our Perfect Socialist Utopa” . . . okay, well, that last bit is a little long, but suffice to say my dreams and theirs ain’t got nothing in common. Anyway, they say McCain is unhinged. Only they take forever to say it, going on about Republicans are evil and they are so mean by calling Democrats liberals and they shouldn’t do that and they steal elections with their mean-energy and . . . ugh. It’s exhausting to read it. If you got insomnia, you could do worse.

Anyway, you people are apparently all into the “McCain Unhinged” search term. Wanting to verify that anybody who isn’t smart enough to think just like you must be crazy. You go ahead, Internets, but I gotta tell you: that’s awfully boring.

Like pretty much everything Common Dreams says about everything.

What if the Presidential Candidates were the Cast of Gilligan’s Island?

Here ya go:

I like it. I’m not sure that Obamarama is fit to fill the Professor’s shoes–I’ve never seen him make a radio out of two bamboo shoots and some coconuts–but otherwise, dead on. Cool beans.

 I don’t think Obama is really the Professor. But he’s not really Gilligan, either. May he’s more like Ginger–a moviestar!–than The Professor. Either way, any excuse is a good excuse to bring up Gilligan’s Island.

The Keating Five and KeatingEconomics.com. Obama’s a Little Defensive, Ain’t He?

Apparently, the Obama campaign has put together a 13 minute documentary about John McCain, the Keating 5, and the Making of a Financial Crisis.

This is, like, a preview:

Somehow, John McCain taking donations from this guy (along with 4 Democratics) back in the 80s represents the failed ideology of Republican Fat Cat Wealth-Lovin’ (tho McCain was the lone Republican in a scandal that otherwise involved nothing but crazy Democratics). Whatever.

More on the Keating Five.

Obama’s apparently pissed McCain is finally calling him out for association with domestic terrorists (including authoring a great educational initiative to teach kids about rebelling against authority and social justice, instead of math and, I dunno, how to read or whatnot).

Country is going to hell in a handbasket, people. Just face it. Store up ammunition, bottled water, turn your cash to gold and keep it buried in the backyard. That is all.

John McCain and P.J. O’Rourke in Love Triangle With Amy Lumet?

Did John McCain and P.J. O’Rourke do a three-way with Sidney Lumet’s daughter, Amy Lumet?

Amy Lumet Apparently Confused The Oscars with the Golden Globes.

Um, could you blame them?

Unattributable.com aludes to it here.

In other news, what’s in The London Telegraph that has you Internets all excited? I don’t see nuthin’.

And you’re apparently very interesting the the Vice Presidential Debate Time. So ya know, it’s 9 PM Eastern. 8 PM Central. 7 PM Mountain time. 6 PM Pacific Daylight. There, are ya happy now?

BTW, Palin wins the debate. I’ve been to the future and seen it.