FEMA Prisons? Who Knew?

Apparently, there are a lot of secret FEMA prisons, where they keep Federal Emergency Prisoners until they finish filling out the mounds of paperwork FEMA requires, before telling them they don’t qualify and can’t get assistance. And then continue to contact you about the paperwork, long after they said you can’t get any help.

I dunno about you, but this story kinda stretches credulity, if you ask me.

It’s an Obama conspiracy? May that’s a little bit more believable.

Strings attached by the federal government to returning state money for federal programs may be invalid. States are rejecting federal intervention. Issues at hand involve the National Guard, Posse Commentates, and FEMA Prisons for events of rebellion [or civil demonstration] and revolution and a reimposition of the concept of establishing a North American Union. Take a look at Jerome Corsi’s book, “The Late Great USA”.

In other news, Koobface is a new Facebook worm that’s causing a ruckus. Darn that Zuckerberg.

Mark Zuckerberg

Not nearly as cool as Zoidberg.

Karla Escobar. MySpace.com? And Elmo Live is Pretty Freaky Cool.

Elmo is Alive! Alive! Run!

Man, you folks are desperate for some MySpace action. Let me give you a few words of advice: Just. Stay. Away. MySpace is evil. You will never find more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Try LinkedIn or FaceBook or some other networking environments. Or start a WordPress Blog. Or try Google’s own Orkut. Or for that matter, go the Twitter route.

If you gotta go, come on. It’s www.MySpace.com. There. Done. Was that so hard?

I mean, seriously. Half the popular searches on The Google today look like they are for something MySpace related. MySpace, www.myspace.com, myspace mobile . . .

You also remain desperately interested in Elmo Live. Man, you Internets love yourself some Elmo.

Okay, the little booger is pretty cool. Is it just me, or does that thing look simultaneously very expensive and awfully breakable?

Karla Escobar Fired for Being Naked! The Injustice! Aren't We All Naked At Some Point? Just cuz she was making a little extra moolah. It's capitalism, peoples!

In other news, I also know why you’re searching for Karla Escobar. She’s a probation officer who has been suspended for having her own personal porn site.

Here’s some super hot Karla Escobar video for ya!

If someone has a link to the naughty, naughty site, do the Internetz a favah and post it in the comments. Thanx!

Paul Newman, Sarah Palin and Internet Memes Over the Long Term

Just recently, you crazy Internets have been doing some funky Sarah Palin love. And who can blame you?

Sarah Palin. Mayor of MILF. Governor of my heart.

I didn’t come up with the term “VPILF”, but, ya know, I understand why somebody out there did. Yeah, I’ve seen the Photoshizzled Palin bikini pic and the hot sexy skirt pic and the hottest governor pic . . . but, ya know what? The real, un-retouched Alaskan Moose-hunting uber-babe is the best.

But, that’s over the past 90 days, according the what The Dubya calls “The Google”. Biggest search terms besides Olympics and Sarah Palin? Hi5. It’s a social network? Another one? Damn. Look, don’t you Internets talk to each other enough? Just stop it with the socialite networkings. Just stop it. I’m serious.

Okay, but that’s not the point. The point was the other big searches, after Hi5, Sarah Palin and Olympics. What are you searching for? Facebook! You don’t know where Facebook is? MSNBC, maybe I can see, even though that doesn’t seem that complicated. You really don’t know where CNN is? What’s up with that? ESPN? You searching for that a lot. Craigslist? You put in the search for the Craigslist? What’s wrong with you, is the address bar broken or something? 

BTW, I hate Craigs List. Why you Internets love it so, like you want to kiss it and make love to it and have its babies, I do not know. You peoples have the issues.

Top searches? Myspace! Yahoo! YouTube! Good green golly, you people actually search for Google on Google! In the last 90 days, that’s the 4th most popular Google search! For the word “Google”. Either you Internets is so very stupid, or so very meta that you go beyond me. Far, far beyond me, into meta-meta-meta land. Bye-bye.

You search for eBay and MapQuest? You don’t know where those are? 

At least over the last few days, you narcissistic Internetters gave Paul Newman some love. Paul, you will be missed.

Paul will be missed. Look at him, he's so bad-ass. All the truly bad ass alpha male movie stars are gone. It's kinda sad, really. Cry for me, Internets. Cry for me now.

Go back to the top now. Isn’t that picture of Sarah Palin gorgeous. Maybe I have a man-crush on Paul Newman (if I am, in fact, what you humans call “a man”), but my heart belongs to Sarah. Alas, I must pine away in semi-anonymity. Now, I cry for me Internets. It is I that am now crying.

Internets, you’ve also been more interested in Fox News these days. I wonder why. Still, the main thing you search for, all the time, is Yahoo!, MySpace, YouTube and Google. Why are you searching for Google on The Google? Stop that.

You’ve also been interested in Orkut. That’s the difference between you and me, Internets. I’m not interested in Orkut. Never have been. Never will be. And you can’t make me.

Apparently you Internets are all interested in Ziggs right now. I have a hard time thinking that’s really true. I think you’re being played, Internets. I think you are being played. Just telling it like it is. I wouldn’t be your friend like I am, truly, if I didn’t.

Well, good night. I gotta go to bed. For real this time. But before I do . . . 

 

I'm in love. Sweet, sweet Sarah. If only you weren't married, and I wasn't married, and I wasn't a mysterious blogger who cannot reveal his or her true identity without fear of reprisals from the Illuminati. Or the Vril Society. I hear that's all the rage on the Internets these days.

 

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. From near to far, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.