Jenny McCarthy Finds Steve Fossett, Alive on Desert Island, Thanks to His Coconut Based Satellite Phone

Steve Fossett faked his own death? And where did he go? Could be, I guess.

So you pipples think that Steve Fossett faked his own death? Hmmm. Why did you care so much? Don’t you have work to be doing?

Here’s the coconut phone he should be using to contact civilization, on his uncharted desert isle:

Steve Fossett’s Coconut Phone is In Progress

In other news, you people don’t know how to spell Gwen Eiffel. It’s Iffil, by the way.

Yawn. Travis Henry is trouble with the law. You peoples love yourselves some footballs. Double-extra-yawn.

Jenny McCarthy still on about the autism. Are you searching because of the autism debate, or have you got something else on your mind?

And who needs an excuse for another pic of Jenny McCarthy? Amanda Peet, no so much.

Update: More Jenny McCarthy. Since you’re looking for her so hard.

Obama Goes Negative; Runs Scathing Anti-McCain Ads

I knew the man couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain

Sarah Palin and Her Gay Friend . . . Naked!

No, seriously, peeps, get over it. What’s wrong with you Internets?

Sarah Palin is Gay . . . As in, Happy that she has such a Great Friend!

 

Yes, Sarah Palin has a gay friend. ‘Course, Palin is horrible for calling her friend’s homosexuosity a choice, although I could tell you from experience that gay people think the gayness is a choice when they’re trying to get you to make out with them. “You never know, you might like it.” Sorry, dude. Can’t help ya. Heterosexuality isn’t a choice.

You know, I’m imagining lots of folks are imagining that about Sarah Palin and her gay friend right about now. You naughty Internets.

Okay, fine. One blog has recently broken the shocking news (plus photo) of Sarah Palin engaged in a spit-swapping lesbian kiss. Oh, yeah. You better believe it, you naughty Internets. Find it here, if you dare.

Lots of tongue action, apparently. Hope they brushed their teeth and whatnot.

Jenny McCarthy to Wrestle Amanda Peet in Bikinis

Update: Even more Jenny McCarthy here, with more pics, if you are so inclinated.

So, Jenny McCarthy is on about autism. 

Jenny McCarthy is opposed to vaccinations, because maybe they cause Autism. She’s a scientist, right?

So, she slams Amanda Peet.

Amanda Peet says people who don’t get their kids vaccinated are parasites. She’s a scientist, right?

I think this important conflict will only be settled if Jenny and Amanda work out there differences, while wearing bikinis, by wrestling in a vat of hot oil. They are both scientists, right, and that’s how we normally work out these kind of analytical inconsistencies. Right?

You’re also interesting in Summer Bailey. There’s also a Summer Bailey who does porno, I’m guessing they aren’t the same Summer Bailey.

You’ve also developed a sudden interest in the Alternative Minimum Tax out there on the Internets. You people must be rich, if you’re paying that. It’s just for rich people, right?

And Lou Dobbs on the Bailout. Good for you. Making you Internets are getting smarter. Lou Dobbs has a much better idea what he’s talking about than most of the Talking Heads out there.

Also, you pipples are apparently very interested in the Senate version of the bailout bill. It’s not that complicated. First, you bend over. Second, you grab the ankles. Third, the government takes your money and gives it to their big leftist friends running Wall Street. Done and done.

And you want to know about The Hampton Coliseum. Why? Phish again. Jeeze, you Phish-heads out there. A lot of you are, apparently. They broke up, what, four years ago? Some bands don’t do a tour or come out with an album for five or six years. Settle down, people.

So, are you people doing the Googlification out there for the latest Quinnipiac Poll because you’re all about reading how Obama is ahead in the polls, or just because you like saying the word Quinnipiac?

A sudden interest in Robert Kardashian because of what exactly? Whatever, Internets. Whatever.

Hewlett Packard is buying LeftHand Networks. They are rumored to be in talks with one Ned Flanders to buy The Leftorium at the Springfield Mall. Because it would make about as much sense.

I think you Womens out there must be the ones searching for Yummie Tummie. Watching the Oprah again?

Yummie Tummie. Don’t think they actually work on hard plastic mannequins.

 Laters, Internets.

Phish? That Many of You Really Care about Phish?

So, you people on the Internets this morning are all interested in Phish. Or a Phish Reunion. Boring, but true.

You’re also looking for info about Gwen Awful–I mean, Gwen Ifill, an Obama shill who apparently has a financial interest in Obama winning the election, who is the impartial objective moderator of tomorrow night’s presidential debate. Can I predict what you’ll be looking for tomorrow night? You’ll be The Googling “who won the vp debate” and “vp debate polling” and “sarah palin debate” and stuff like that. Sometimes, you’re kind of predictable, Internets.

Jennifer Miller Got a Little Rowdy at a Hotel. Not the first time that’s happened, I’m sure.

You’re also curious about one Jennifer Miller. Cuz she’s been in some kind of hotel dustup. Boring.

Be more exicting, Internets. I gotta go to the dentist. I expect you to have been more interesting by the time I get back.

 

Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Tim Hasselbeck: Is This The Same Story?

Not quite sure, but you Internetsers are sure looking for the both of them. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is annoyed by the liberals on “The View”. Like, duh.

Nothing is going on with Tim Hasselbeck. Whatchu people care about ’em for?

 

This is the Tim and the Elisabeth, Apparently. What you so interested in them for?

I can guess why you’re interested in Ashley Force. She’s a looker.

 

Yeah, Ashley Force is cute. And she’s got a great name. But what suddenly piqued your interest, Internets? Tell me that.