Sarah Palin Debate Flowchart Makes Jenny Rivera Do a Sex Video . . . Plus An American Carol

Man, you people are hot on the Jenny Rivera sex tape. Not sure why.

Jenny Rivera, seriously? Come on, Internets. Come on.

You’re also still on the Sarah Palin Debate Flowchart. I already covered that, peeps. Done and done.

You’re also on about An American Carol. I’ve already covered that, too.

Get with the program, Internets.

In other news, my head hurts. I need some pain relievers. Bless you, Internet. The headache you causes, you taketh away.

James Earl Jones to be Honored for Being Darth Vader, Othello

And I’m sure he’s been in some other movies, too.

James Earl Jones, Jumping Around and Swinging His Light Saber. What a Cool Dude. And, he was CNN.

He was also the voice of Jeffery Katzenberg in the Lion King film by some company called Disney.

James Earl Jones. Forever, Ultra Bad Ass.

Fittingly, he’s receiving the Ultra-Bad Ass Forever Award from the SAG.

 You’re also enticed by the Sarah Palin debate flowchart, based on the perpetually hot Palin’s debate performance last night.

Here’s the Sarah Palin Debate Flowchart. Yeah, it’s funny. You betcha!

 Love the “Do Something Realy Cute” part. It comes so easy to sweet Sarah.

Palin loves hogs! She loves skirts! She loves buildings made of logs! Could she be any more perfect?

 Speaking of unbearable Sarah Cuteness, you’re also apparently fascinated by Sarah’s Adorable Wink™.

Keep it up, Internets. Not too shabby. Not too shab.

Snowboarding on the USS Grunion

The USS Grunion. Ain’t Exactly Pretty.

You Internets is sure interested in the USS Grunion.  What an unpleasant name for a piece of military hardware. Sank in 1942, she was discovered i the Berring Sea in 2006. A memorial is planned.

On the other hand, I know why you’re all into and over those Burton Snowboards. Cuz they got Playboy models all over ’em.

Burton’s New Snowboard Line Features Sexy Ladies. And What’s Wrong With That? Much Better than Featuring Grunions.

 

In other news, David Zucker’s American Carol is out today. David Zucker did the original Airplane! and Top Secret! and a bunch of other classic 80s and 90s parodies. If you’re a right wing nut job, then you should find it funny. If you’re a left wing nut job, I’m predicting you won’t like it and plan on spamming Rotten Tomatoes with negative ratings and reviews, sight unseen.

John Voight ain’t trying to look like he’s Angelina Jolie’s Grandmother. He’s George Washington, ya dumb arses. And Kelsey Grammer is Patton.

And since Voight is Angelina Jolie’s papa, why not include a pic of her, too? Sounds Good to me.

Angelina Jolie. Perpetually hot.

Alisha Dean Uses MySpace to Send Horny Men to Jail!

Alisha Dean fools some guys who oughta know better and gets them sent to jail. Take your lessons from this, Internets. Don’t use MySpace and don’t be horny.

Alisha Dean, She Ain’t 19.

Seriously, where is her Dad in all this, other than calling police after the fact? Something has got be up here. 13 year old girl seduces men on MySpace, they fall for it thinking she’s 19 and divorced, and then Daddy calls up the police and sends the dude to jail. Sumtin be seriously stank in the state of Denmark, says me.

You interested in goannas this morning? Is it because of the 7 year old that went on a killing spree in a zoo in Australia? Seriously, what’s up with the kids today?

Janine Turner is Interesting Today. Probably Because You All Forgot Who She Was.

You’re also searching up Janine Turner. Something to do with Sarah Palin, and Janine being a hardscrabble hot Alaskan chick on Northern Exposure, way back in the day when CBS ever had anything worth watching.

At least Janine Turner didn’t kill a bunch of zoo animals, or tell people she was 19 when she was actually 13. Just goes to show the real truth of the matter. Adults > rugrats. Always been, always will be.

Holy Crap! Steve Jobs Had a Heart Attack?

What? Oh? Apparently not. Shame on you, Internets, for scaring me with this malicious false story of a Steve Jobsian Heart Attackiveness.

Jobs is a God among men. He is an Immortal. He cannot die, or the very fabric of the universe will be ripped apart! But Steve does need to eat some damn meat. Get that boy a cheeseburger, pronto!

Rumors of His Jobness’s death remain greatly exaggerated.

You’re also scaring me with all this Wells Fargo, Wachova Merger stuff. My mortgage is with Wells Fargo. They’re going to turn into Wachovia? And then what? All banks merge into one financial singularity, all the money disappears down a black hole, and it is truly the End of Days? Seems more and more possible, doesn’t it?

You’re also hot on Mary Mack this morning. She musta been on Stern.

Mary Mack must’ve been on Stern this morning, or something, cuz you Internets is searching her up like crazy.

More, later, you scary, naughty Internets.

Who Won the Vice Presidential Debate? The Nucular Option.

I already toldya. Sarah Palin crumped her way into America’s heart, then ended Joe Biden’s career by busting rhyme after rhyme on his old self.

But you keep searching for it. Like The Google will tell you the truth. I’m telling you. I know. 

 

Palin Wins the VP Debate By Being A Better Human Being, and Ten Times Hotter.

Of course, all the Instra-tracking polls give it to Biden. They got no sense. 

Palin won. The New York Post Intelligentser Tribune Times gets it right.

Also, seems you don’t care for Palin’s left-baiting pronunciation of “nuclear” as “nucular“. 

“Oh, she doesn’t speak good like we do. She’s stupid.“

Seriously. Get over yourselves. She’s a cutey. You wouldn’t want your best friend’s hot mom as president? I would.

Recent interest in Talabani seemed to come and go on the fickle Internets. Debate related? I missed it, if so. Same with searches for Bozniak, that peaked an hour or so ago and then dropped like a rock. That’s because Joe Biden said it and you didn’t believe him. Poor Joe Biden. A little plagiarism, and nobody believes you any more.

Also, searches for General McClellan apparently come from the debate too. I thought you Internets had just spontaneously developed an interest in Civil War history. You disappoint me again.

You’re also searching for the 1932 election. Looking for this PuffHo piece? Let me summarize it: you keep your money is bad, give it to us liberals and we’ll spend it on important sweet things and that’s good, and the economy wouldn’t be in the terrible shape its in if only the government had been taking more of your money all this time.

You whacky liberals. Sad that you’re probably going to win the Beauty Contest this year. But victoriousness is Fleeting. Fleet like the enema.

You’re also searching a lot right now for Lost in Space. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger!