John McCain and P.J. O’Rourke in Love Triangle With Amy Lumet?

Did John McCain and P.J. O’Rourke do a three-way with Sidney Lumet’s daughter, Amy Lumet?

Amy Lumet Apparently Confused The Oscars with the Golden Globes.

Um, could you blame them?

Unattributable.com aludes to it here.

In other news, what’s in The London Telegraph that has you Internets all excited? I don’t see nuthin’.

And you’re apparently very interesting the the Vice Presidential Debate Time. So ya know, it’s 9 PM Eastern. 8 PM Central. 7 PM Mountain time. 6 PM Pacific Daylight. There, are ya happy now?

BTW, Palin wins the debate. I’ve been to the future and seen it.

Karen Dinkins Fired For Wearing Obama T-Shirt

Karen Dinkins was Fired from WWJ-AM 950 in Detroit because she wore an Obama T-Shirt. Normally, isn’t that just the Democratics and the genus Dominatus Liberalis that do that kinda stuff?

She probably wasn’t wearing this T-shirt.

Not cool, WWJ. More reporters oughta advertise their outrageous political biases, IMHO.

It was probably something more like this, with the Big O and a Super Zero. Yay! Please, Obama, use your heat vision on the red states!

It’s Sarah Palin Bingo. People Out There Must Be Bored.

Wuzzup, my peeples? What’s the hot search topic today? Sarah Palin Bingo. You people, you amaze me. I love me some Sarah Palin, but this looks boring-er than playing real actual bingo, which is pretty boring, unless you are old, apparently.

Sarah Palin’s got her some BINGO! She’s so excited. I’m excited, too–about Palin. About Bingo, not so much.

In other political news, Sarah Palin win’s Bikini.com’s Most Wanted Bikini Model. Maybe it already happened:

Sarah Palin in a Swimsuit. Too bad it’s fake.

More damaging shocking truths about Sarah Palin are leaking onto the Internets ahead of tonight’s debate! All this time, Sarah Palin has been leading a secret double life!

All this time, Sarah Palin has led a secret life, in her satin tights, fighting for your rights, and the old red, white and blue. The Democratics say it’s a sinuous and scandalified.

You’re also still on about Penthouse Pet Cassia Riley. I already covered that.

Lots of interest in the USS Intrepid, otherwise known as “Sarah Palin’s Recreational Cruiser”.

You’re also oddly interested in Kelly Pugnea. A retired basketball guy’s wife? Man, you sportsters are hard up.

Gwen Ifill’s In a Wheelchair . . . uh, So What?

Gwen Ifill, who has both trash-talked Palin and has a new pro-Obama books for which she’ll make more money if Obamarama wins is tonight’s debate ‘moderator’, who claims, despite being wheelchair-bound, not to suffer from Palin Derangement Syndrome.

 Gwen Awful–I mean, Gwen Ifill broke her ankle and has to use a wheelchair. I wonder if it’s a cool motorized wheelchair like this one:

A super-cool power wheelchair that looks like a car seat–only the car is really, really small. And that’s some serious convertible, just a seat and wheels. Cool stuff. If I was Gwen Ifill, I’d be using this wheelchair right here.

Sarah Palin Wins the Debate! Hands Down! Biden Crawls off Stage in Shame!

Sarah Palin Wins the Debate! Victory for Sarah Palin! I Remain in Love.

How do I know this? Because I have been to the future. I’m not saying how I got there, but it went a little something like this:

I Came Here in a Time Machine that You Invented. Now I need Your Help to Get Back to the Year 1985. Sigh. If only. If only.

Basically, here’s how it broke down. Gwen Iffel asked the candidates how they felt race was affecting the election. Biden said, “Hey, now, I’m more racially sensitive than anybody. In fact, I challenge Mizz Palin to a break-dancing competetion, right here, right now.”

So, Sarah jumped over the lectern like a superhero and spun, flipped, and jammed for a full two minutes, shaming Biden. He then challenged her to some crumping, but his crumping was old and stale, and Palin’s crumping was fluid and dynamic and the audience cheered. Finally, Biden said they should end it all now with a poetry slam. Well, Palin slammed rhyme after rhyme, and old Joe just couldn’t keep up.

Finally, he conceded defeat, and Gwen Iffel ended the debate by telling everybody to read about all that just happened in her new book, coming out on Obama’s inaugaration day. Then she began accepting pre-orders.

Just one caveat. I don’t think it happened, but it is possible that my little trip to the future took me to an alternate universe, instead of our exact future. But there was still the big mortgage crisis with Frosty Mug and Freaky Moo, and the New Amsterdam Stock Exchange was still way down. But, if it was an alternate reality, then . . . nevermind.

The Late, Great Gilda Radner as Emily Litella. Right on Violins on Television. Right about the Eagle Rights Amendment. Right for Vice President.

 

 

 

Penthouse Pets and Bailout Bill Pork

Wassup, Internets? This morning, you seem to be very interested in one Cassia Riley, 2006 Penthouse Pet of the Year. You never disappoint me, Internets! Well, you do sometimes, but not this morning.

Cassia Riley, Penthouse Pet Runner-Up. It was hard to find a picture of her with clothes on.

So what’s the deal, people? Not much about her in the news. Was she on Howard Stern? That seems to be a common reason for morning Googloddities.

My Internetin’ peeps are also all up on the bailout pork in the latest senate bill. Can’t say I blame ya. Michelle Malkin talks bailout pork right here, and she’s always a good one to check out cuz she’s hot, and this is the Age of the Internets.

Sarah Palin is still my one true forever-ever love. But Michelle’s a cutey. There’s no denying it.

But she’s hardly the only one calling “Pork!” on the bailout bill. Snarkfood says the bailout bill is stuffed with pork. 222zenwizard says senate bill is loaded with bizarre pork. American Thinker notes that there’s bailout pork for Hollywood! You’re tax dollars at work, pipples. Hard at work.

House Peter’s, Jr., the Original Mr. Clean for Proctor and Gamble, dies at 92. You’re very interested in that this morning, and I bet none of you had any idea who House Peters was before this morning.

This is House Peters as Sharkman, not Mr. Clean. But You can see the resemblance.

 

Sellout.woot? Some kind of sell you crap blog? Seriously? Okay, Internets. Whatever. You are apparently very easily amused.

Kindergarten Killer? Now, I like me some games and some off-color humorisms, but that’s just in bad taste, people. Very bad taste. But since you got very bad taste, of as of the time I’m posting this, you can still play that nasty game here.

The sad and ugly store of Brooke Bennett continues, and I don’t blame you for wanting to know about it. It’s a sad and ugly story.

Brooke and her (alleged) Murderer Michael Stephen Jacques. Who was also her Uncle. This fellow was a piece of work. A creepy, evil piece of work.

In lighter news, Nikki Blonsky apparently kicked some America’s Top Model contestant in an airport. America’s celebrity culture is filled with some class acts, I tell you what.

Fat Chick from Hairspray Movie (the musical one, not the one with Ricki Lake) kicks some skinny chick. Big Girlz got a Temper!

Steve Fossett Found? Apparently, his plane wreckage has been discovered. If he faked his own death, he did a really good job of it, up to and possibly including killing himself for real. A very meta way to go about it, if so.

Dayne Arokium is apparently very interesting this morning. Apparently, he some sort of stewardess on Jet Blue, or was until he started doing sexy dances for the ladies.  For some reason, Google says these searches have something to do with Christina Applegate. Don’t know why, yet. But that’s okay, good enough reason to find a pic of her, anyhows.

Christina is So Excited about Dayne Aprobium. No, Abercrombienfitch. Shiznits, Whatever His Damn Name Is. Or Not. But apparently you Googles got some inside goods on how he knows about naked pictures of Christina Applegate.

Gotta go drain the baddabing-a-da-doo. Shout at ya later, Internetz.