I’m Too Fat To Die! No, You’re Not. Have some Monkey Bread.

Richard Cooey, who said he was too fat to die, found out that he was, in fact, just big boned, and exactly the right weight for a lethal injection.

Richard Cooey. What a charming fellow.

Richard Cooey. What a charming fellow.

Cooey and a buddy dropped a concrete slab, from an overpass, onto Wendy Offredo and Dawn McCreery’s car. These lovely fellows pretended to rescue them, and then proceeded to rape and torture ’em until they bludgeoned them to death. As a result, the other guy will live in prison, until he dies, on the taxpayer dime. Richard Cooey has been eating fat-on-the-hog at your expense since 1986. And was still indignant over being put to death, a jillion years later. Did he give a stay of execution to Dawn McCreery?

Richard Cooey was pronounced dead at 10:28 AM Eastern, I’m assuming today. Don’t the door to Hell hit ya on the ass on the way down.

Steve Ballmer is the news. Apparently, hes escalating his war on Apple, cuz Microsoft only has, like, 75% of the consumer PC business and 90% of the business PC market. Way to focus, Ballmer.
Steve Ballmer is the news. Apparently, he’s escalating his war on Apple, cuz Microsoft only has, like, 75% of the consumer PC business and 90% of the business PC market. Way to focus, Ballmer.

Steve Ballmer is apparently busy slamming the Mac Office products. He’s also saying the fact he couldn’t get Jerry Yang to sell him Yahoo! at any price was a “dodged bullet”. He’s probably right about that. For both companies.

You folks apparently are lovin yourselves some Monkey Bread.
You folks apparently are lovin’ yourselves some Monkey Bread.

You’ve all developed a sudden spontaneous in monkey bread. Could it be because of your sudden interest in Monkey Boy, above? And you’re getting together and having Ballmer parties and making monkey bread and watching Ballmer’s weird freaky dance video on YouTube? Nah. That ain’t it.

I wonder if “Too Fat To Die” liked Monkey Bread?

It looks tasty. I bet I’d like monkey bread.

2 Responses to “I’m Too Fat To Die! No, You’re Not. Have some Monkey Bread.”


  1. 1 kudzumaster October 14, 2008 at 10:00 pm

    Too fat to die, too ugly to live–but the monkey bread looks great. 😉

  2. 2 memetrics October 15, 2008 at 4:29 am

    Ugly, indeed, master of kudzu. It’s what dude (and his friend) did to those poor girls that makes me think that justice delayed can be a little too slow. Sometimes.


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