Monorail Crash at Walt Disney World

Man. I Love Disney World. And Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Keep Me Off the Monorail.

Which is something. These things never crash. This is the first fatal accident in the 38-year history of the parks monorail system.

More on the story from KCRA.

The Disney Monorail. One fatality in 38 years of operation. A Better Record than the Skyway Had. Or the Matterhorn.

Finally found a picture of the actual mash-up. Awesome. Right over the Ticket and Transportation Center. Man, they must have been working all night to get ‘em moved so guests coming in Sunday Morning would see no sign.

Kerslam! Don’t Know How It Happened, But Keep In Mind–This Never Happens at Disney. Seriously. All condolences to the poor guy who died and his family, but I’m guessing this has to be driver error.

They should update their monorails anyway. I’m glad I’m not going to Disney World right now, though. Not only is Space Mountain closed until August for refurbishment (and I hope they make the stars and asteroids and whatnot better looking and brighter), which as also closed the Tomorrowland Transit Authority (one of my favorite parts of going to Walt Disney World)–not only all that, but now they’ll be down two monorails. They probably have a spare or two they can get up and running in a few days, but still . . .

Do you think dude was texting his girlfriend? Somehow, I am suspicious. Texting seems to be at the heart of this kind of thing. When all the facts come out. But, I’ll be the first to admit I’m wrong.

Laterz, Internetz.

 

A Little More Keeley Hazell, And Why Not?

Keeley Hazell Works That T-Shirt But Good

Ah, Gawrsh Bless the FHM for providing us such wonderfully cleavage-liscious poses.

Keeley Hazell in a Bikini With A Big Chocolate Guy Advertising Linx Something Or Other.

Mmmm. Chocolate.

Keeley Hazell in a Pink Bra Giving You a Come Hither Stare.

Don’t play coy with me, Keeley!

Keeley Hazell, Semi-Topless, Does Grabbies. Mmmm-boy!

She looks good in black, barely there underthings. You noticed?

You Know That "She's Got the Look" Song? There's the look that she's got.

And Keeley Hazell melts hearts of stone like warm butter in a volcano. Sigh.

Keeley Hazell in a diaphanous white cotton bikini top.

Is it hot in here, or is that just Keeley?

Keeley Hazell Presents Her Splendiforous Cleavage!

She knows how to pose her boobs good.

Keeley Hazell Lounging in a Khaki Bikini. Mmmmm.

She doesn’t exactly look relaxed, but she’s relazing me. So to speak.

There's Keeley with that sly, come-hither look again. You naughty vixen!

Keeley, biting your sinuous, slender finger like that, it makes me think of something, but I’m not sure what.

Keeley Hazell Tries to Give Men Everywhere an Immediate Cardiac Arrest!

As Charlie Brown might say: “Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhggggggg!”

From Keeley Hazell's 2008 Calendar. 2008, We're Going to Miss You. Love that little strap on the bottoms.

The Keeley Hazell Calendar. Another way to feel the bitter sting of disappointment and loneliness, all year round.

Keeley displays her sweet, sweet cleavage. Now, that's a bosom!

Seriously, that should be the picture next to “Bosom” in the dictionary.

Keeley Hazell Topless, Practically Nude, Just covering up the last of the undisplayed naughty bits.

Oh, Keeley, why are you trying to give me a coronary? Why?

Keeley Hazell in Burgundy Lingerie. She fills it out nicely.

The injustice of such cutness being given to one person.

Keeley Hazell makes sports actually seem interesting.

Look up the word “underboobs” in the Dictionary, and that should be the picture. Or at least one of them.

Laterz. More Keeley soon.

Crystal Defanti, Soon to be Former Teacher, Accidentally Gave a Sex Tape to Her Students

From Associated Content:

Isabelle Jackson Elementary School teacher Crystal Defanti had intended to make a DVD filled with school memories from the past year. The DVD began innocuously with shots of the school and the students, but then it suddenly cut to tapes of Crystal Defanti having sex. As soon as she became aware of the mix-up she called every parent crying and apologizing profusely, trying to prevent other students from watching the tape.

Here’s a little video on it:

Random Hot Chicks Presenting Their Fabulous Endowments

I don’t know who this is, but I wish I did. She’s mind-blowingly well-endowed.

A hot blonde presents her prodigous endowment. Wowsers. All I got to say.

Boobs! And Plenty Of ‘Em! You Can’t Resist The Cleavage, And You Know You Can’t.

Impressively prodigous.And who doesn’t like bosoms in very tight tops that showcase the decolletage?

Danielle Lloyd wrapped in Ivy.If more women like that walked around wearing things like that, it would be a better world.A Blonde Cutey. Qualifies as a Random Hot Chick.Cute enough. Like that come-hither look.Pretty in Mesh. Again, More Women Need To Dress Thusly. Just Sayin'.

Love t hose low-riding white cotton panties.

The Magic of the Sling Bikini. Sweet.

And more women need to wear sling bikinis.

All Keeley Hazell, All The Time

Keeley Hazell in a White Brassiere.No, she probably doesn't need any sort of MEDIHONEY Wound and Burn Hydroclloid Dressing, but what of it? I did, just recently, and the stuff rocks, so I'm givin' 'em a shout out. I consider it my perogative.Keeley Hazell Looks Good in Black.

Is that underwear or a bikini? I can’t tell.

Keeley Hazell in Lingerie. She’s Cute.

Keeley Hazell in a skimpy, one-piece swimsuit. Sweet.

Keeley Hazell is a serious cutie. I’d go swimming with her.

Keeley Hazell Lets Gravity Display Her Bosoms To Their Greatest Advantage.

Keeley Hazell says: May I present to you . . . my decolletage?

Keeley Hazell in a Bikini. Not Photoshopped, so some human flaws show.

But she’s still awfully hot.

Keeley Hazell Doing Grabbies. Yay!

Keeley Hazell, Topless but Not.

Keeley Hazell Cuts a Striking Black-and-White Pose.

Ah, Keeley.

Gotta Love Keeley Hazell with the torn-shirt, showing underboob and sideboob kind of thing going on.

And where would the world be without FHM to get hot chicks like Keeley Hazell to pose in ripped t-shirts?

Keeley With Her Hands On Her Bosoms.

Man. Now, that’s some serious grabbies. Wowzers, she’s cute.

Keeley is Ready, in a Black Teddy.

How come real women don’t dress like that in real life? At least, not any of the ones we end up with?

Keeley Hazell Continues to Look Good in Black. A Black Bra and Panties, That Is.

Man, she’s a cutey. Gotta admit it.

Keeley Got Back!

Keeley’s gotta nice butt. Unless that’s all Photoshop.

Keeley Hazell in some weird kind of underwear.

But I like it.

More Keeley Hazell in More Weird Underwear.

I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.

Keeley Hazell Doing the Grabbies. Sweet! Schwing!

Ah, Sweet Keeley. And what a great name that is. Keeley. Sigh.

Keeley in a White Bustier. And Might Fine Does She Look, Too.

From her Calendar. Ah, 2008. We’ll Miss You.

Keeley Hazell Takes Up Boxing. I Could Go A Few Rounds With Her.

And suddenly, I’ve developed an interest in pugilism.

Again, Keeley Hazell Cuts a Striking Figure in Black and White.

That’s a very lovely portrait.

She Wore an Itsy-Bitsy, Teeny-Weeney Attractive Little Black Bikini.

What’s that thing made of? Macrame? Sweet.

Keeley Hazell, Lounging Casually in Her Skivvies.

Wish I had a job where I could lay around half-naked and get paid lots of money.

After the Bachelor Party. Ah, To Be Said Bachelor.

Keeley Hazell looks good in a tux. Especially if the Tux is mostly off.

Keeley Hazell, Up Against the Wall.And she looks good there.Keeley Hazell, Pretty in Turquoise.

A tight turquoise swimsuit, that is.

Again, Keeley Without the Benefit of Photoshop. Still, awfully cute.

Even though she is lookinga little rough, if you know what I mean.

Keeley Hazell Enjoys a Cool Beverage.

And makes me crave a cool beverage, myself. Or a cold shower. Ah, well.

More laterz, Internetz. Peace out.

Michael Jackson is Dead on Cover of OK! Magazine, Plus Russian Milk

Strange Russian Milk Ad. What Are They Trying To Say, I Wonder?

In the news: Daily Ejaculation is Good for You. Frankly, if you’re married or in a long term relationship, you know that if it was proven conclusively that a daily BJ cured cancer and would help you live forever and you were about to die, your wife or long-term significant other would tell you, sweetly: “That’s too bad. I’m really going to miss you. The life insurance is paid up, right?”

Let’s be honest here.

In other news, the Billy Mays autopsy report concludes he died from heart disease, while still no word on exactly what killed Michael Jackson. Soon enough, I suppose.

Ok! Magazine Cover of Dead Micheal Jackson

In a decision of questionable taste, OK! Magazine put the “last” picture of Michael Jackson, almost certainly already dead, on their Michael Jackson memorial cover. And paid $500,000 for the blurry, morbid thing. Hmmm.

I enjoy music. Now, there’s something called Tonematrix that makes it easy. That’s pretty cool.

 

 

Mollie Sugden Dies at Age 86. R.I.P, Missus Slocombe!

Now Mollie Sugden has died. What’s happening to the world? Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, Karl Malden and now Mollie Sugden. Man, I loved Are You Being Served?

Mollie Sugden on Are You Being Served?

Sugden died at the Royal Surrey County Hospital in Guildford on 1 July 2009 of unspecified causes.

Molle Sugden as a Purple Haired Mrs. Slocombe

R.I.P., to you, Mrs. Slocombe. We will miss you and your constant references to “my pussy”.

Karl Malden Dies at 97. Man, Dude Was Old. RIP, Bad Azz Mike Stone.

Karl Malden is dead at the ripe old age of 97. He wasn’t sucking down prescriptions drugs to “sleep”. He just died of plain old age.

Karl Malden was Da Man. They Don’t Make ‘em Like Him, Anymore. Sigh.

According to IMDB, the last time he acted professionally was in 2000, on The West Wing. He didn’t do much between 2000 and 1993, but up until 1993 Karl Malden had been a busy man.

I remember going to see Meteor in the movie theater, back in the day. Karl Malden was bad azz.

Ever see him as Reverend Paul Ford in Pollyanna? Awesome. Death comes unexpectedly, indeed. Not to Karl Malden, apparently, who lived to be 97.

The Apocalypse is Nigh: Al Franken Wins, Billy Mays is Dead

Al Franken is crazy, but maybe not any more crazy than the folks already in D.C. Anyway, he’s been declared the winner, Norm Coleman is sent packing, and another crazy Marxist is sent to Washington. Yay.

Al Franken: Another Crazy Marxist in the Senate. Awesome!

Did Al Franken steal the election? No, he’s a Kind of a Big Deal Around Here. He had other people steal it for him.

In other news, if you’ve been living under a rock and accidentally found your way to this blog, you might be surprised to learn that Billy Mays is dead. Like Michael Jackson (whose fans may kill themselves, so Jesse Jackson is urging them not to kill themselves yet), he was only 50. Some force of fate apparently has it in for 50 years olds right now. I’m glad I’m not 50 yet.

Billy Mays Had the Stuff To Clean My Carpet. For Only $19.99!

Sad. Billy Mays rocked.

Michael Jackson did Thriller. A Great, Great Album.

Thriller was one of the greatest pop albums of all time. Defined a frickin’ generation. R.I.P., Michael. You were a little weird, but you were a talented guy.

Was he crazy? Yeah, I guess so. But he rocked. And, unlike almost-as-insane-if-not-as-insane Al Franken, we never elected Michael to public office. Shamon!

Bernadette Peters Joins Regis on Live With Regis and Whoever

Bernadette Peters is joing Regis as co-host of Regis and Not Kathy Lee.

Bernadette Peters. Perpetually Gorgeous.

I’ve always had a thing for Bernadette Peters. It started with this particular scene from The Jerk:

 

And one more picture of Bernadette:

Bernadette Peters, Lounging Seductively.

She looks like she’s about ready to use a Point Relief Mini-Massager. Too bad we don’t get to see that action.

Neda Agha Sultan Shot Dead. Axis of Evil? Nah, Just a Misunderstanding.

There’s a video of Neda Agha Sultan being shot dead. I’m not posting the video, just follow the link if you want to see it. It’s fairly graphic.

Man, thank goodness Obama gave the speech in Cairo. By his own testimony–before they people started protesting and getting shot–he’s already fixed everything.

Thank goodness we won’t hold this murder of protestors against Iran or the Mullahs. Cuz, you know, we’re a kinder, more compassionate, more understanding nation. Of oppressive dictators and brutal totalitarian thugs. And radical Muslim Theocracies. Yay, Obama!

Fortunately, I have to struggle to keep my house, pay my raising taxes, and fight to keep my job in the constricting economy that Obama is “fixing”. So I’ll be distracted from our government’s tacit endorsement of the murder of political dissidents and brave people standing up against the violence and oppression of real totalitarian regimes.

Which we do not have in this country, BTW. We didn’t under Bush, and don’t under Obama. What’s new with Obama is our endorsement of brutal dictators–and the murder of their citizens, if they become inconvenient–as official  foreign policy.

Perez Hilton Assaulted for Being a Total Ass and Gratuitously Nasty

And a self-serving shiznickle.  Read about the assault here.

A video of the confrontation can be found on TMZ.

Perez Hilton, With a Black Eye, Which He Gets Often, Because He’s a Total Priznickle To Peoplez.

I don’t want to say he deserved it, because I don’t, but he almost certainly did deserve it, because he’s an incredibly pompous, self-righteous azz.

 

The John and Kate Divorce is Official. Like There Was Any Doubt.

They’ve decided to separate. But what they’ve done is file for divorce. And Jon is thinking about moving to New York. Good golly.

Jon and Kate Get To Experience Divorce with Eight Kids In the Full View of the American Public. Not Gonna Be Fun For Either of Them.

Far be it for a peon like me to offer advice or wisdom to a passive-aggressive man-child and his hateful, ice-queen shrew of a soon-to-be-former wife,  but good golly. They still have to split time at the house with the kids. “For the kids”, of course, but also for the show and their source of income and, for Kate, apparently her reason for existence.

A few kids tie divorcees together intractably if they have any responsiblity for their children–if they have any soul at all. And I think Jon and Kate both do. Eight kids are really going to tie you together. Deciding the kids will always stay at the house and the two of you will just split house time . . . oh, man. They sound so jaded and cynical, but their plans just seem incredibly niave. To me, anyway. But, it may make for good television.

Anyhoo, eight kids plus a life lived on reality television and in the tabloids is going to tie you together even closer, and make whatever “freedom” a certain passive-agressive man-boy thinks he’s getting by breaking free of the poison-tongued ball and chain largely illusory.

Essentially–I think I said that before–they are both going to get all the problems and difficulties and acrimony of divorce without any of the benefits.

On the other hand, I think Kate (and you women married to passive-agressive, “yes, dear” man-boys that you are prone to “correct” and “improve” and “help” with “constructive criticism” all the time) could draw a lesson from this experience. Those men may seem to “just take it”, but eventually that 10 year trickle of black bile that came from you “just being constructive” will end up coming up all at once and all the time, and he’s either going to break it off with no chance of reconciliation (probably cuz he already has himself a much sweeter sweetie) or will become so nasty, so often, you’ll want to break it off. Just keep it in mind, is all I’m saying.

Oh, and Jon? Lose the earrings. You look pathetically like a pathetic little man-boy going through a mid-life crisis and it’s just sad and stereotypically cliche. Plus, you’re already insanely spoiled and whiny and wimpy and niave . . . so, lose the earrings. Seriously. It’s just highlights what a self-serving, self-pitying dork you are.

Which doesn’t let Kate off the hook for being such a mega-bitch. Just saying.

Heather Mitts is Cute (see pictures) But I Still Can’t be Interested in Soccer. Sorry.

Heather Mitts plays soccer. Meh. I’m just not that into sports. Although, she’s certainly cute enough.

Heather Mitts showing off her soccer-toned mittness.

Maybe I should take up soccer. Nope, still can’t get that interested.

Heather Mitts again. She’s cute.

 And another . . .

Heather Mitts Jumping. Like I guess they do when they play soccer.

And one more.

And another. See the shirt? Heather Mitts likes Soccer.

And a final one . . .

There We Go. That's a Very Stern Looking Heather Mitts.

Awright, Internetz. That’s enough for now. More stuff later. Laterz!

Ed McMahon, A True Original, Dead at 86

Ed McMahon, who was a true original, and will always be one of the greats of the golden age of television, has passed away at the ripe old age of 86. He had a pretty good life, especially all those years sitting next to Johnny Carson and, more often than not, making Johnny laugh longer and harder than any other human being ever could. And we laughed with him. Or, I did, at least.

Ed McMahon was One of the Television Greats.

And nothing against Jay Leno, but since the days of the pairing of Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon passed, there’s been nothing like it on late night. They were both one-of-a-kinds, and never will we see their like again.

More on Ed McMahon’s long and prolific career from Wikipedia.