You-Shall-Submit.gov Goes Online. Jesikah Maximus to Be Redistributed to Various Unwashed Neckbeards to Make Things Fair.

Oops. I meant, Lollipops-and-Rainbows.gov goes online. Ooops, wrong again. I meant, change.gov goes online. It’s an important news story.

Barack Obamas New Agenda to Secure the Undecideds, Non-Believers and Other Heretics.
Barack Obamas New Agenda to Secure the Undecideds, Non-Believers and Other Heretics.

The Agenda?

Barack Obama and Joe Biden will enact a windfall profits tax on excessive oil company profits to give American families an immediate $1,000 emergency energy rebate to help families pay rising bills.

Well, sounds fair. And it will be. Especially when they do it to your small business, or just to you as an independent contractor. Or the folks you work for, so they have to fire you. And, um, this isn’t socialism? Really? No?

Barack Obama will eliminate all income taxation of seniors making less than $50,000 per year. This proposal will eliminate income taxes for 7 million seniors and provide these seniors with an average savings of $1,400 each year. Under the Obama-Biden plan, 27 million American seniors will also not need to file an income tax return.

Seriously? Awesome. If true, I can get behind our new president. On this one. That’s smart, fair, and 180 degrees out of phase with Bill Clinton’s raising of the taxes levied against Social Security for seniors. Okay, then. Yay, Barack!

Obama and Biden will dramatically simplify tax filings so that millions of Americans will be able to do their taxes in less than five minutes. Obama and Biden will ensure that the IRS uses the information it already gets from banks and employers to give taxpayers the option of pre-filled tax forms to verify, sign and return.

Uh-huh. Look, most folks are going to be smart enough to know that’s an effort to keep them from taking advantage of all their deductions, and will continue to pay a tax preparer. Trying to put individual accountants and Quickbooks out of business? Nice try, but no dice.

Obama and Biden believe that NAFTA and its potential were oversold to the American people. They will work with the leaders of Canada and Mexico to fix NAFTA so that it works for American workers.

Um, there we go. Lollipops and rainbows. We can keep all the good without any of the bad! We can have our lunch, only, get this, we don’t have to pay for it! We can have all the benefits of NAFTA without any of the responsibilities. It’s awesome!

Barack Obama and Joe Biden believe that companies should not get billions of dollars in tax deductions for moving their operations overseas. Obama and Biden will also fight to ensure that public contracts are awarded to companies that are committed to American workers.

This is not inherently bad. In fact, in the abstract, I think it’s a good idea. But it’s one of those ideas where the devil is in the details, and the details could turn out to be unpretty. But end of the world? Not hardly.

Obama and Biden will create an Advanced Manufacturing Fund to identify and invest in the most compelling advanced manufacturing strategies.

Sounds nice. But this is generally the sort of thing the government does not do well at all. Historically, the record has been “meh”. Not disastrous, mind you. Not end of the world. Just “meh”. Money, meet toilet. Flush.

Next, I skip a dozen other ways the government is going to magically create new businesses and green technologies and make clean, renewable energy from rainbows and unicorns. It does not work. It never has, it won’t now. In every single case, I predict: Place money into toilet. Flush. Repeat. I hope I’m wrong. Generally, these sorts of things sound good, and accomplish nothing.

Barack Obama and Joe Biden believe that it is critically important for the United States to rebuild its national transportation infrastructure – its highways, bridges, roads, ports, air, and train systems – to strengthen user safety, bolster our long-term competitiveness and ensure our economy continues to grow.

You know, you can say what you want about this, but if it happens the way it’s painted in the broad strokes, it’s a good thing. New Interstates create commerce. Maintaining bridges and roads and expanding them and improving them and adding exits to the Interstates–this is generally good stuff. The return on investment for the overall economy may be low and slow, but it is there. And roads are what they are. They aren’t built with the idea of specific businesses suddenly cropping up along the road, it just provides a place where it can happen, and a way to get there. Some right wing pundits are dismissing this, while I personally think this can do some long term good. And it’s investment that well bear fruit for decades to come, unlike most of the initiatives the government likes to come up with.

Barack Obama and Joe Biden support doubling federal funding for basic research and changing the posture of our federal government from being one of the most anti-science administrations in American history to one that embraces science and technology.

All right. I suppose they have to throw in some anti-Bush lies to make the moonbats happy. But it just isn’t true. Not remotely. First president to provide any funding whatsoever for stem-cell research? George W. Bush. But, nevermind that. I also expect this is codespeak for “this money will be provided to The First Church of Global Warming for expanding the church, proslytizing, and other good works in the name of Gaea”.

Make the Reasearch and Development tax cut permanent.

Hey, this is good. Credit where credit is due.

Ensure Freedom to Unionize. Fight Attacks on Workers’ Right to Organize. Protect Striking Workers. Raise the Minimum Wage. All bad. Won’t get into it now.

“Protect Homeownership and Crack Down on Mortgage Fraud”, they say. Read it yourself. It sounds like more of the same and worse that got us into this mess in the first place.

Then a list of other European style socialist programs, most of which are potentially acceptable. Might be good, might be bad. The devil, as it so often is, will be in the details.

Still waiting for details on Obamas Plan to Redistribute Hot Chicks to Internet Geeks. That was part of his platform, right?
Still waiting for details on Obama’s Plan to Redistribute Hot Chicks to Internet Geeks. That was part of his platform, right?
Obama has promised to spread the wealth. Awright. I am waiting.
Obama has promised to spread the wealth. Awright. I am waiting.

8 Responses to “You-Shall-Submit.gov Goes Online. Jesikah Maximus to Be Redistributed to Various Unwashed Neckbeards to Make Things Fair.”


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