ACORN Is Using The Google to Find Jessica Alba

At least, that would explain why you keep searching for “register to vote online” and “texas voter registration“.

Jessica Alba Says If You Dont Vote for Democatics, Shes Going to Eat Your Spleen with a Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti.
Jessica Alba Says If You Don’t Vote for Democatics, She’s Going to Eat Your Spleen with a Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti.

Or may it’s something else. Like Jessica Alba telling us we gotta vote (for who, I’m wonderin’) or we’ll get muzzled. By them wascally Snidely Whiplash Republicans, no doubt.

Well, if Jessica Alba says it, I gotta do it. Jessica Alba has some serious street cred. Especially in a bikini, or otherwise scantily clad.
Well, if Jessica Alba says it, I gotta do it. Jessica Alba has some serious street cred. Especially in a bikini, or otherwise scantily clad.

You should be searching for ACORN fraud. That’ll open your eyes, if they aren’t already opened. Or if they aren’t permanently un-openable. Damn, this is an awkward paragraph. I think it’s time to hit the emergency eject. Kashoom!

In other news, lots of you are looking for Shelly Saltman. Apparently, he must’ve been in some trivia question about Evel Knievel on Jeopardy or something.

More Extreme Makeover! You folks are searching on Sadie Holmes, another Extreme Makeover victim who, despite being given a house, can’t seem to hold on to it. And people say socialism doesn’t work! 

Lots of you are searcing on Citicards. You worried about Citi Corp or something? With our fine banking system? Nonsense, I say. Nonsense! Go charge up a bundle, keep the economy going. Buy what you need–or heck, just have a fancy for at the moment–thanks to magical plastic, and don’t worry. Works out great. Just ask Sadie Holmes, who can’t hold on to a house that was given to her. Yay, America!

1 Response to “ACORN Is Using The Google to Find Jessica Alba”


  1. 1 Jay Mahi October 8, 2010 at 6:10 am

    Jessica Alba is very beautiful. Alba is a really great actress. :)) I like her because she is true, like other actresses. ex: Jolie A. I didn’t mean to be rude; i just want to say what i have in mind.


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