Archive Page 5

Michael Jackson’s Head on Fire

Because inquiring minds want to know.

Some folks think it led to his prescription drug addiction, his plastic surger obsession, and his love of dressing like the President for Life of Teeny-Tiny-Toy Town. Somehow, I doubt it.

Ah, well. Laterz, my peeps.

Kate Gosselin Looked Disturbed as a Young Woman

Prepare yourself. After this, you may need some stool softener to help you unclench. Just sayin’.
This is actually Kate Gosselin, before she was Kate Gosselin or new John Gosselin. Wow!
This is actually Kate Gosselin, before she was Kate Gosselin or new John Gosselin. Wow!

Kate Gosselin was almost married to some other guy, who says she’s  a super-freak, and Jon’s better off getting out. Not that Jon’s exactly a prize.

Jon Gosselin was not the first (and probably not the second or third) man that Kate Kreider (she looks like a Kreider in that picture, doesn’t she?) wanted to marry.  While still in nursing school, she became engaged to 19-year-old factory worker Adam Miller (by twisting his arm), and was pressuring him to have kids with her fertile self, even though they were still living in his parents’ house. Yikes.

Apparently, she had this business plan in mind very early on.

293_ad_Gosselin_Glassman_071509

In other Gosselin news, Jon has gone from divorced to public dating to apparently proposing marriage to his new girl, proving he’s got no clue how he looks to the public, what women want, how to stop being a doormat, or how to think anything through. And, no doubt, he’ll still whine about everything. Sheesh.

And he bought her a $180,000 ring? Engagement ring or not, what kind of idiot is this guy? I never cared for how Kate treated him, but, jeeze, maybe he did deserve it. Moron.

What a trainwreck these two turned out to be. And they got married, had eight kids, and then invited TV cameras to come in and watch it all fall apart. Sheesh.

Speak of the devil. Hailey’s Lesbian Lover warns Jon: She’ll Destroy You! Of course she will. You don’t have to be Hailey’s former lesbian lover to see that.

Hailey Glassman is the floozy Jon got seduced and, with Kate’s help, helped wreck the Gosselin marriage. Three cheers for the kids!

Obama Likes Back, And He Cannot Lie

No other president can deny. When a girl walks by, with a little-bitty waist, and a round thing in his face . . .

‘Bama likes back!

Obama Takes a Gander and a Fresh Chicken.

Obama takes a gander. Ah, it’s good to be the King. I mean, the President. Oh, heck, let’s admit it. King! All hail, King Obamamarama.

Mel Brooks knew it. It’s good–very good–to be the king.

In unrelated news, I like those Medline Baby Blankets. The Ones with Ducks.

Natalie Portman to be Jane Foster in Keneth Branagh’s Big-Screen Thor

Natalie Portman is gonna be Jane Foster to Chris Hemsworth’s Thor and Tom Hiddleston’s Loki.

Natalie Portman, the Future Jane Foster.
Natalie Portman, the Future Jane Foster.

Maybe she’ll be in the upcoming Avengers movie, too. Hmmm.

Workin’ It, Workin’ It

Workin it, working it . . . A little more Al Phlipp & The Woo Team for your Monday morning.

The Cover From The Old Horrendous 80s Al Phlipp Album, Fankus!
The Cover From The Old Horrendous 80s Al Phlipp Album, Fankus!

I did a new tune recently, inspired by the passing of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. I call it “The Last American God”:

And another tune, pleasant enough, though inspired by Barack Obama. I call it “The Enlightened Despot”.

More weird, Apple GarageBand Crafted Instrumentals are Available here:

Al Phlipp’s The Experimental Album II

I Love Nikola Tesla. And It’s His Birthday!

Nikola Tesla claimed to have invented a death ray, but he never demonstrated it.

Nikola Tesla Was Thoughtful About Lightning Balls and Death Rays.
Nikola Tesla Was Thoughtful About Lightning Balls and Death Rays.

More good stuff on Tesla.

In other news, this is stuff from the Chattanooga Group. Yeah, sorry. I got nothin’. But I love Nikola Tesla. Also, the car company, Tesla, makes cool expensive electric cars. Laterz. 

The Reverend Al Sharpton Makes Michael Jackson Memorial All About Race

It’s surprising that Al Sharpton sees racism in the death of Michael Jackson? Not to me.

Rev Al Accuses Media of Being Racist Against Michael Jackson, Even Though Michael Jackson is Clearly A White Woman.
Rev Al Accuses Media of Being Racist Against Michael Jackson, Even Though Michael Jackson is Clearly A White Woman.

Ah, Reverend Al. You’re always good for a barrage of racist invective.


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