Jennifer Butler Murray Leaves Bill Murray for Scarlett Johansson

Bill Murray and former, Too-Hot-for-Him Wife, Jennifer Butler Murray. Sure, She Probably Had Here Eyes on the Loot. But 11 Years is a Long Time To Wait Just To Get a No-Fault and Half The Money.

Jennifer Butler Murray left Bill Murray “Dead and Broken”, according to him. But he’s going to get on with it, and you Internets are really happy about it and keeping searching for Jennifer Butler Murray, probably because you had no idea he was married, and figured he was just doing to hot chicks in his movies. Like Scarlett Johansson.

Scarlett Johansson. Do I really need an excuse?

 A lot of interest in Carrie Milbank this afternoon. I can see why.

Carrie Milbank. She’s reasonably cute.

Apparently, she was a cheerleader, and now she’s a TV personality. I love those rags to riches stories. And, as you can tell, she got their with pure moxie!

In other news, Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again, probably. Big surprise. You can take the girls out of the trailer, but . . .

Pretty soon she’s going to need a double-wide.

 You’re also looking for Whitney Cummings. Now, if that isn’t a porn star name, I don’t know what is. But apparently she’s just a regular actress. What a waste of a great porn name. 

Whitney Cummings. Not Actually a Porn Actress.

You’re also all on about searching for AIG Spa. Come on, folks. After working so hard to get bailed out with your tax money, those rich fat cats need a nice spa day. On your dime.

Laterz, Internets. Come to think of it, I could use a spa day, myself. Anybody want to bail me out?

McCain’s Secret Plan to Get Bin Ladin Revealed!

McCain mentioned last night in the debate he had a plan to get Bin Ladin. Many people wondered, what is this secret plan that he won’t reveal unless elected president?

It turns out that the main plan being considered was authored by none other than Freddie Jones of Mystery, Inc. McCain has bought into the plan, and it’s likely to go forward if he’s elected president.

Freddie Jones has the Plan that McCain Will use to Catch Bin Ladin.

First, a large dog dressed like Jesus Christ and carrying an American flag will be enticed to run around in front of Bin Ladin via the use of Scooby Snacks.

Then, when Bin Ladin gives chase, the dog will lead him into an old warehouse, where the floor has been covered with axle grease. This will make Bin Ladin slip, and slide inexorably towards a washing machine that is wired up to several car batteries and is placed precariously on a catapult. He will fall into the washing machine, which will begin spinning him around, as the catapult fires and sends Bin Ladin, in the washing machine, hurtling into a large net stretched across the ceiling.

When the washing machine hits the net, Bin Ladin will be dumped out, very dizzy and unable to escape, while several buckets of quick setting glue are poured down onto him, holding him into place. Finally, Velma Dinkley will walk up, remove Bin Ladin’s turban, and reveal him to be the old caretaker, Mr. Jenkins, who had just been trying to scare America away because he’d found oil on the old Afghanistan Place.

And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for those darn kids. And your darn president McCain.

Who Is Sarah Vowell, And Why Is The Internets Looking For Her and Her Wordy Shipmates?

Sure, Sarah Vowell is Cute In Her Own Way. But She Has Another Identity.

Sarah Vowell is of Interest to the Internets Tonight. Why is that? Could it be Because of Sarah Vowell’s Other Life?

Sarah Vowell is the voice of Violet. In the Best Movie Ever.

That’s Right. She’s also Violet Parr, from The Incredibles. And what a great vocal performance she turned in. In one of my favorite movies of all time. So whatever you’re all on about tonight, Internets, your intentions better be pure. That’s all I’m saying.

Apparently, you are innocently interested in Vowell’s recent book, The Wordy Shipmates. Good going, Internets. I’m proud of you.

Up and coming in the searching department is Tegan and Sara.

Um, not to jump to conclusions, but Tegan and Sara look like they'd be home in flannel shirts and baseball caps. Like they like to play a little bit of softball. Like they prefer action movies to chick flicks. If you know what I mean.

Canadian Singer-Songwriters Tegan and Sara . . . zzzzz . . . sorry, I fell asleep there. What were we talking about?

Oh. Right. Nothing.

Suzanne Malveaux is pretty cute. Seriously, that's all I know about her. That, and that she works for the Communist News Network.

Suzanne Malveaux is also a person of interest. I’m sure it has something to do with the debates, but I can’t figure out what. Maybe this?

Well, I’m tired Internets. The Internets may never sleep, but I gotta. Good night.

Well, except for this.

Spank Heidi Strobel. She Wants You To.

BTW, I’ve so far posted about 50 things to me blog (yes, I mean to say “me”), and I gotta say, you folks continue to show an unhealthy interest in Heidi Strobel. What is it about her? I mean . . .

Heidi Strobel. You Folks on the Internets Sure Do Like Her.

Okay, she’s cute. I get that. But, beyond that . . . I’m not so sure. Do you Internets suspect she’s going to cure cancer or something? She’s in the Playguy magazine with some other chick, so I guess that’s it. Well, stay classy, Internets. Stay classy.

Heidi Strobel Looking Strobelicious..

Okay then. More Heidi Strobel. Just to make you happy.

Heidi Strobel Poses With Some Other Chick in Playboy. Like That's Never Happened Before.

Now, that’s it. Enough with the Heidi and the Strobel and the Strobeliciousness and typing things like Hedie Stroble or Hiede Stroebl for the misspellers out there. I gotta go to bed. Seriously. Now. G’night.

Aubrey O’Day Naked with Danity Kane, Playing Lingerie Football With Jayde Nicole . . . Plus Bacon

Hah. Made you look. No, seriously, she’s almost naked. That’s as far as I go here.

And why am I going there? Lots of you are searching for Aubrey O’Day. I can’t figure it out. Oh, wait. I just did.

Hamana-hamana-hamana. Wholly Owned Subsidiary, She's Hot! Some accuse her of being dumb as a box of rocks. Like that would matter. Please see above.

There’s Aubrey O’Day. Lovely Name. Might also explain you Internets perpetual fascination with frackin’ Danity Kane.

Danity Kane, Go Away, Come Again Some Other Day. Or Don't. In fact, We'd Rather You Not.

Proof Aubrey O’Day is, indeed, as dumb as a box of rocks? She just recently endorsed Obamarama for Presidential of These United Snakes. As a way of taking attention away from skankiness, which she apparently spent a lot of time originally trying to draw attention to. Well, it takes all kinds, I guess.

You’re also exhibiting a growing interest in Lingerie Football. There are seriously Lingerie Football Teams and a League, now? Well, well, well. Maybe football could be more interesting than I thought.

If This is the New Face of Football, Count Me In.

They must be doing this just to get people like me to watch football. Cuz if anything would do it, this probably would.

Heh. I said “wood”.

Your interest in Savannah Guthrie proves not to be nearly so prurient, but, of course, leads back to Sarah Palin. The short story is: NBC was jealous, so ran a smear story on Palin. More likely, NBC is just full of the genus Waccus Liberalis, and so ran a smear story on Palin. Though, regarding Savannah Guthrie, I’d say she’s pretty cute . . .

Savannah Guthrie. She's a Professional Journalists. A Cute Professional Journalist. Or Former Journalist. Whatever.

BTW, Savannah Guthrie also did one of NBC’s so-called “fact checks” on Sarah Palin, and Newsbusters takes issue with her objectivity and accuracy.

Also, there is a certain amount of growing interest in Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole out there.

Jayde Nicole is some sort of Playdate of This Year in some sort of Magazine for Discerning Young Gentlemen. I Get a Very Maternal Vibe Off Her. Dont you?

Again, I can’t figure it out. Some kind of flannel vest fetish? You like the name “Jayde”? Sometimes, you peeples out in the Internets are very hard to read. You’re all like a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in bacon. Mmmmm. Bacon.

Mmmmm. Delicious, delicious bacon. Aubrey O'Who, Now?

McCain Refers to Obama as “That One.” And It’s Racist!

McCain refers to Obama as “That One.” Obama refers to McCain as “Methuselah”.

And you’re looking for it. You just want to stir up the shiznitz. I know you do. Don’t act all innocent. “Oooh, racism! Let’s fight!” Come on, losers. John McCain isn’t a racist. He’s just very old, and very grumpy, and pissed that he has to be running against Barack Obama instead of Al Gore, when he was younger and had more vim and vigor.

Ezra Klein on “That One”. He’s a big lib and he doesn’t think it was racist, either. So there.

General Consensus: every one thinks McCain Lost the Debate. And what would you guess CNN’s take on the debate would be?

Top search as of this hour on The Googles? “Walk Softly and Carry a Big Stick“. Seriously? Did you Internets not go to school? Do you not know the quote? Gotta be sure he got it wrong, or mighta got it wrong, before you start rampaging on your oh-so-important blogs? Someone needs to take a big stick to your heads. Or you need to go back to school. I’m not sure which one.

You’re also curious about this AIG Junket that Obama mentioned. Trying to make a scandal out of nothing at all. McCain has Bill Ayers and Reverend Wright and millions of dollars of laundered oversea money going into the Obama campaign and political endorsements from America’s enemies an ties to the PLO and Hamas and on and on and Obama has . . . a junket. Damning!

I see the debate has also revived interested in “Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran“. That’s actually the search term you are using. Link is to the video on YouTube of McCain singing his little diddy. Hard to yak about how Obama isn’t serious about foreign threats with stuff like that out there. And the lefty blogosphere is on its way to making a big deal of it, since McCain denied that he did it, sort of.

Soledad O’Brien Biased? In the Tank for Obama? Perish the Thought! She’s Just an Objective, Straight-Arrow Journalist in the Mold of Edward R. Murrow, Walter Cronkite, Keith Olberman and Michael Moore. You Crazy Wingnuts!

You’re also searching for CNN reporterette Soledad O’Brien. Could you be thinking about this Newsbusters Report?